Hey Suburbia

The Onion AV Club had a neat little article using Archie comics as a mirror of America’s evolving pop culture. Archie and pals manage to reflect back the inherent silliness of trends and people literally buying into it, but refrain from commenting on the actual events that shaped it. I haven’t read every Archie comic ever, but I pray there’s not a ‘very special issue’ out there dedicated to covering the events of September 11th or some such thing. That would destroy their wholesomeness and objectivity for me. This is from a late 80′s one:

From now on you can all call me Captain Thrash. On a slightly related tangent, I think living in the suburbs makes you much more intensely into whatever scene you choose to join. When you’re in the city, you’re surrounded by all sorts of stimuli, but out in the sticks, you find something that strikes you as meaningful, or at least makes you feel less alone, and cling to it for dear life. That’s why suburban gangs are more deadly than city ones. The city ones, they only mess with you when you’re in their way. They have business to attend to, and want to avoid police involvement as much as possible. Suburban gangs, on the other hand, are B-O-R-E-D. They are a heirarchal organization without a purpose, just social interaction, and are usually in areas with maybe 5 cops, one of them on bike. Well, except for initiations. That’s where city gangs have the suburbs beat. My mom, a teacher in an ‘urban’ district(by urban they mean more hispanic and black kids than white kids) was warned not to linger by the school one day by the security guards. When she asked why, they told her it was Gang Initiation Day, like they have some kind of calendar date for it. They told her if she saw a car driving without its lights on, DON’T FLASH THEM! It’s really a roving car of gang hoods and if you flash them to warn them they’ll KILL you! Because that’s how they initiate people! I think the guards meant well but neither she nor I swallowed that one.

Suburban punks are also deadly serious when it comes to their ‘scene’. Few if any have a sense of humour, or maybe they all just share one between them. They debate endlessly about what it means to be ‘punk’ like philosophers struggling to divine whether or not there is a soul, and they attend every basement show, no matter how awful the band or tiny the basement. Now that Hot Topic’s gone and made ‘punk’ another outfit, it’s even worse. Less of the earnestness and more of the cliquishness. Nick was right when he said Ian Mackaye ruined punk. Sure, thinking’s alright, and playing dress-up’s sort of fun, but you gotta have HEART! Just like Ma-Ti from Captain Planet! Of course if Captain Thrash and Captain Planet got together, Thrash’d probably punch Planet out….I have no idea what I’m typing about anymore.