Checking In On Personal Checks

Man is but a small creature, flung frightened and lonely through a vast and indifferent universe. His individuality is an illusion, what he believes his free choice is bordered by his society, shaped by opinions of others themselves shaped by the opinions of others. His deeds are meaningless, his life will pass unnoticed and unmourned. This has to explain the ridiculous variety of personal checks available for purchase; if not to create a thin wall of ‘identity’ to hide from mortal horrors, then what for? Seriously, try and picture Sartre buying Monet’s Waterlilies Series 408.

The glut of false choice available is truly immense and pointless. There are checks indulging fandom of all stripes:

This creates a strange threshold where the object of worship transitions from worship via consumerism (buying posters and so forth) to actually becoming the face of your ability to purchase. Is the point to associate your consumption with your idols, or to have others come to love them by having them associate the idol with receiving payments?

Now, these two hobby checks are just charming. The model trains remind me of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, and look at the loving attention paid to lighting and ground texture!

As for the horsies, every shot features a tinier comparative horse or animal with which to better appreciate the horse’s majesty, save for the amazing image of a horse on a beach ripped directly from an 11-year-old girl’s dream date (that horse just needs a leather jacket to complete his ‘bad boy’ image).

But perhaps your hobby is foisting unasked opinions on others? Religious and political affiliation checks might be just what you’re looking for!

Heaven seems like kind of a bummer – faded people, washed-out colors, giant attack-doves. Wait, they still crucify people up there?!

This was titled ‘Bible Checks’:

Literally…The Bible. Nothing more, maybe a slight indication of Heaven, but mostly just the actual book.

Political cartoonist Wayne Stayskal will inspire chuckles with these anti-abortion address stickers:

In case they go by too fast to read:

Planned Parenthood – a secretary sits with sinister smile next to a board labeled PLANS: Abortion, Abortion, Abortion, Abortion.

Woman shown in-utero image at pre-abortion counseling: “There must be some mistake doctor…That’s a baby! Where’s the blob of tissue I keep hearing about?”

Man pointing up angrily: “God, why haven’t you sent people with cures for AIDS, cancer, world hunger and social problems?” “I did, but you ABORTED THEM!”

And a final non-sequiter – Woman walking towards an abortion clinic, or possibly her womb: “I wish I was a whale!”

For the worst possible combination use those labels with these checks:

They’re with God and Anne Geddes now.

Conservatives certainly don’t corner the market on pushing agendas via bill payment – PeTA offers such subtleties as ‘Boycott the Circus’ checks:

Why not just make flipbook checks of the scene where Dumbo visits his mom and cries?

La Leche League is determined the whole world witness THE BEAUTY AND WONDER OF BREASTFEEDING.

There’s a whole universe of bad ideas under the check category ‘Ethnic’, most with seemingly good intentions of interest in another culture or cultural pride. These checks for Australia were the least offensive:

If you support firefighters WHY WOULD YOU CHOOSE THESE IMAGES FOR A CHECK SERIES?! ‘Backdraft’ was less graphic showing firefighters in danger.

Then there’s absolute non-sequiters like these:

Who would buy these? Professional shadow-puppeteers? Someone who needs to instantaneously entertain children but hasn’t any direct light sources? Me, because I can’t stop imagining sending these out to people and watching the confusion spread?

Ah, creepy clown checks. I might buy these if it was all just the close-up clown tears, but I’d be horrifying myself as well as my debtors.

For the pretentious fellow who wishes the world to know their erudition:

Because nothing says ‘I myself am smart’ like other people’s words on a check. A friend in high school either panic-submitted her senior quote or did not give a farthing about such appearances, as her words by ‘Socrastotle’ pretty much said ‘Everything’s just so exciting right now!’ In that spirit, these would make much better checks:

If anyone would like to create their own, I’ve included blanks at the end of the post. Speaking of the mistake that is the ‘Upload Your Own Photo’ option, I created this sexy series of Prince checks, as for some reason I could not find a single series devoted to The Purple One readily available. Enjoy!

I used Bodoni Bold Italic for the font, though go with what your heart tells you.
Right click and save for the larger image!