This Is The End

Hey guys, I’m terribly sorry to be the bearer of bad news but unfortunately, Civilization is over. Not yet completely collapsed, mind you – for a brief time civilization will lumber onward on sheer momentum – but the event horizon of its destruction has been crossed, the decline well on its way. Prepare yourselves well for the coming collapse.

How do I know this? Behold:

teeny weeny bikinis

sexxxxxy phone

Skimming ebay, I came across this auction for “Sexy Thongs Bikini Briefs Case Cover For Protect iphone 4 / 4S / 5 Home Key”. It’s not just that someone thought up, designed, manufactured and is now selling tiny bikini bottoms for your inanimate portable computer that tolls the bell for humanity, it’s that this very auction has 20 watchers and 22 SOLD“What….why….WHY?!” you might ask. The auction helpfully explains:

“Designed to cover the home button and charging ports whilst giving your smart phone a sexy look.”

There you go. Achewood came surprisingly close to predicting this very day, and I presume if people are paying actual currency to imply their phone has genitalia they’re covering up, the full reveal of phone nuts cannot be far behind. The sheer variety of these rubber gewgaws has disturbing implications of shades and varieties of people who would want this object, from gaming nerds to girly-girls. An appeal to fashionistas with a Comme De Garcons ripoff further suggests this would appeal to all strata of consumer (which again, Achewood called with ChatSack by Karl Lagerfeld).

Look upon what the world has become, and despair.

stretchy

pink

red snake

Red-snake sounds like a terrible double-entendre.

skull

eyes

 

This, this is truly the most disturbing part. I’ve seen it happen before, where a stupid idea is birthed unto the world, takes on a life of its own, and begins mutating. Give it a year or two and the trend becomes so far removed from the original if looked at as a stand-alone the mind boggles at how this object came to be. This is only the beginning, people.

boxer briefs

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