A dive into the fascinating pre-history of cinema (or rather, as that grouping seems unfair, several disparate inventions that when lumped together chronologically sort of point the way to what would eventually become cinema) led to the phantasmagoria, a macabre performance incorporating special effects and gruesome projections by way of some form of magic lantern. Several popular phantasmagoria were even staged in tombs, though as they were abandoned Capuchin tombs I doubt the good monks minded much.

image from the Magic Lantern Society

One standout show was put on by Johann Georg Schröpfer, a coffee-shop owner-turned-necromancer/illusionist. He claimed he summoned spirits during his performances, and even held a seance for Prince Charles of Saxony. Unfortunately for Schröpfer, he believed his own hype and committed what appeared to be suicide, shooting himself in the head after telling a small group he would resurrect himself soon. Most sources repeat the same small bits about him, though this account goes a bit deeper.

Historically the phantasmagoria’s been wildly popular in lands rife with fear and uncertainty, including post-revolutionary Paris and America. Considering the current climate, perhaps it’s time for a revival.

Below are some magic lantern images, courtesy of Early Visual Media Archaeology

Here’s one from the classic ‘Are You Popular?’, featuring The Bad Girl. She is not popular because of/despite ‘parking’ with the boys. THE BOYS! PLURAL!

No wonder everyone at this table shuns her and talks about her behind her back! Unlike The Good Girl, who’s not wearing jewelry or makeup and instantly gets asked out by every guy.

Compared to today’s message of…actually I don’t even know what they’re foisting upon the youths of today- superabstinence? Fear and mystery of the Other? In any case, it’s refreshing to see dating a wide variety of people was considered not only normal but necessary to develop good social skills and learn what sort of person you liked to be with. It did NOT make you a tramp, though apparently it did if you ‘parked’.

The following are from what I consider the gem of the Prelinger collection, ‘Live And Learn’, aka ‘You’ll Poke Your Eye Out: The Movie’. Every scenario shows the horrifying results of…well, pretty much doing anything at all.

The staginess of him ‘pausing’ and checking the canister KILLS me. Also it eventually kills him.

ACTING!

Not a gif but it nicely captures the tone of the film.

This is what I imagine when someone suggests I watch their kids:

I could watch this for years:

His ‘fall’! The dummy! I cut it out, but the part where he gets up just fine and THEN remembers he ‘broke’ his wrist! GENIUS!

What indeed, except it’s a nonsensical Technicolor delight. The disorientation starts with a disembodied head singing ‘Brazil’, which turns into a scene at a Brazilian port introducing the living cartoon that is Carmen Miranda before turning into a song number about thinking you’re in Brazil when really you’re in New York! Because they are in New York! At a swanky nightclub called Club New York, that’s Brazilian-themed!

We’re introduced in short measure to the fathers of two wealthy families and the leading man- what with the War going on I guess leading men were in short supply, as this one’s only a looker at exactly the right angle. Most angles, and his uniform, made his head look like David Byrne’s wearing The Big Suit. But who cares about the men when Carmen Miranda’s shaking her stuff in 6-inch gold wedge heels, 20 lbs. of ruffles, and 3 foot eyelashes!

The ‘plot’ is a wafer-thin confection existing solely to leap from one musical number to the next, and sometimes even that pretext is thrown to the wind. In typical Berkeley fashion, several numbers have no ties to the plot or reality – here it’s ‘Lady in the Tutti-Frutti Hat’ featuring the aforementioned giant bananas -NO FREUDIAN SYMBOLISM HERE, NO SIR!

…and the grand finale, ‘Polka-Dot Polka’, where the lovers’ reuniting is brushed aside in favor of an extended tribute to the Polka Dot. An extended, head-floating, TRON-neon, redheaded children dancing tribute to the Polka Dot.

I don’t think ‘The Gang’s All Here’ has Berkeley’s most successful dance numbers- he’s used neon and abstracted the human body much more interestingly in ‘Shadow Waltz’, for example. Then again, this was a film he didn’t just choreograph, but directed – the difference can be similarly seen in the far-superior ‘Gold Diggers of 1933′, which he only did dance numbers for, vs. ‘Gold Diggers of 1935′, which he directed. While the latter had the immortal (and surprisingly dark and depressing) ‘Lullaby of Broadway’ number, again featuring his pet disembodied heads, ’1933′ had a plot that made sense, and actors acting. Still, ‘The Gang’s All Here’ absolutely delivers on sheer ridiculousness, all in glorious color. Check it out while you can! BUY WAR BONDS!

Go Santa, go Santa, go Santa…

TWO CONSECUTIVE THINGS THAT HAPPEN.

Want to know what they’re looking at? (Thanks to Matt Munro.)

To ease us gently in, we’ll kick this week off with one of Roger Corman’s classier Edgar Allen Poe adaptations, ‘The Tomb of Ligeia’. It’s got all the hallmarks: a tormented Vincent Price, a young lady in danger from the supernatural, evil cats, confused servants, and buildings collapsing as they burn!

Searching for the trailer, I came across this infinitely crappier modern version. Note the smurf-blue coloration and flashed footage apparently indicating horror. Also checked off the list: creepy kid at night, a well, bad CGI and burlesque. Nothing terrifies like a random, mostly nude dance sequence!

Apparently this opinion’s been in vogue since the 1950s, as a teensploitation film catering to and shaking a finger at the target market comes out pretty much every 5 years. Most feature a well-meaning teacher entering a vortex of chaos. Some, like ‘Lean On Me’, ‘To Sir, With Love’, and that Coolio video for ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ show how with empathy and trust, even the violentest student can be won over. Others, such as this week’s Blackboard Jungle, focus more on beating the ever-living daylights out of the little punks:

(Still better than ‘Class of 1999′.)

But you needn’t spend 8 hours crammed in a desk next to gum snappers and kids who smell of sour milk to enjoy the benefits education confers! Why, in today’s modern, internet-based society, you can attend Youtubeniversity! Yes, that is a terrible word and I’m sorry. All the classes are covered! There’s Government:

“We needed weenies. Mr. Brown had weenies. It’s as simple as that!”

Math:

Science: “Would it work with real money?” Burning money?! SHE’S A COMMIE! Strap her down and make her watch the capitalism movie!

Art and Music:

English: “How many Eagles? Count them!” More people would pay attention to poetry if it was read by T.S. Eliot. I mean, Monty Python makes this seem like it’s a bad thing!

Shop Class:

Home Economics:

And, unfortunately, Gym:

I’ll be honest, 40% of the interest was hearing Richard E. Grant, known for playing bitingly sarcastic Englishmen in ‘Withnail & I’ and ‘Hudson Hawk’, speak with a soft Scottish accent. It’s amazing how completely an accent changes a person’s entire mein. I first noticed the effect in ‘How Green Was My Valley’, the story of a Welsh mining community which, faced with financial difficulties and a mine collapse, constantly sound like they’re asking polite questions about tea. Here, the man who spit out ‘I’ll torture you so slowly you’ll think it’s A CAREER!’ to Hudson Hawk never once raises his voice trying to tie thumbscrews to an angry wizard.

The script was penned by the same fellow behind other enjoyable but uneven fantasy scripts like ‘Waterworld’ and ‘The Chronicles of Riddick’ (directed by the same). This is the sort of movie my 12-year-old self would have loved watching some late afternoon on USA Network, which speaks to its charm, silly effects and fun details (Mennonite hex signs!), but also to its glossing over of logic and skimpy plot points. So, the demon needs the witch’s help getting the most evil book in the world together, and yet the witch is less powerful than and limited by the same stuff as the demon? Huh.

As an added bonus, the film features a cameo by Mary Woronov, aka Calamity Jane, as a fake spiritual healer that gets turned into Jocelyn Wildenstein.

While searching for the trailer, I found these delightful gems from the 70s, replete with gravelly histronic voice-over, the promise of nudity, and cheesy catchphrase (“It’ll take your breath away. All of it.”)