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Spring, with its blandly pleasant weather and verdant life sprouting everywhere in a showy riot of color, is the perfect time of year to turn to the bleak novel where Man and Nature try to out-brood each other in prose form,  Wuthering Heights.

The novel is a strange work- a tale of thwarted revenge and unhappiness stretching across generations told two steps removed from most characters involved. ‘Strange’ and ‘power’ are the two words used most frequently in early critical reviews; in contrast to the era’s florid novels of innocent women threatened, Wuthering Heights’ stark brutality, the ambiguous morals of its characters and their sad fates made for difficult reading. Of course, the same holds true for the modern age- adaptations of the novel tend to lop off the second half’s complex interweaving of families and relationships in favor of focusing on the first half’s tragic romance. That the novel’s been adapted so many times is bizarre in itself – why take the trouble to squish an unusual story into a more conventional format, not once but over and over again?

It could be the story’s raw power, attested to even by its major critics, but my theory as to why there’s over 12 film versions of Wuthering Heights, not to mention several adaptations to stage, is that the roles of Heathcliff and Cathy are actor catnip. Compare them to the juiciest stage roles for gents and ladies – Hamlet and Lady Macbeth. For the gents, you have free leave to be a melancholy jerk under the guise of SERIOUS SADNESS (dead dad on one side, thwarted love/dead lover on the other), and for the ladies you get to be absolutely un-ladylike (grab for power/raw nature), then play at being a lady but with lots of guilt and anguish,  then SUPERNATURAL STUFF (specifically: ghooooooosts)! Scene-chewy goodness all around- plenty of spots to soliloquize about GRAND EMOTIONS and DEEPLY FELT PASSIONS and how those lesser losers just don’t understand ANY OF IT, GOD. Again, Wuthering Heights adaptations focus not on the fallout of actions upon the next generation, but on the doomed romance of Heathcliff and Cathy who doom their own romance instead of an outside force ripping them apart. Or maybe Culture ripped them apart; this isn’t English 102 and that’s not the point.

The point is much like Doctor Who or James Bond, Heathcliff is the rare character whose facets shine through the variety of actors taking on the role. A special award for Hat Trick goes to Timothy Dalton, who played James Bond, Heathcliff and not technically The Doctor but Lord President of all Time Lords so, close enough. The role’s also been played by Laurence Olivier, Ian McShane, Ralph Finnes and….Cliff Richard. Yes, the English Elvis, the Young One himself, wrote and starred in Heathcliff, a musical retelling of Wuthering Heights presented as ‘evidence’ to the audience for YOU to decide what kind of man Heathcliff really is.

 

Picture 1

Either I’m grossly misremembering video capability from 1997 (the year ‘Titanic’ and ‘The 5th Element’ came out) or the choice to have this staging look like a Lifetime movie from 1986 was intentional.

 

Greater Baptist Wuthering Heights Death Announcement

Did I say Lifetime movie? I mean Sunday morning public access worship hour.

The music is….let’s just put it this way, there’s a lot of synth keyboard. And not the good German kind, I mean the kind backing Christian-themed R&B from the early 90s. Cliff is certainly earnest as Heathcliff, but I kept getting distracted by his facial hair and sartorial choices.

....so many lapels...

(so many lapels…)

The same goes for the entire production – much like the Broadway staging of ‘Phantom of the Opera’, a lot of the story’s horror and power are lost through the very medium chosen to deliver it- bombastic stage musical. It’s paradoxical that music, which has the ability to reach emotion more readily and directly than other mediums, combined with live theater’s visceral presence and the depth of  written word results in a maudlin, campy mess nearly every time. Could it be compromise made between the three mediums cancels out the strengths of each, leaving only weak middle ground to tread? Possibly the ‘language’ of staged musicals could be cheesy, with music demanding high energy to correlate with high emotion, making ridiculous what the theater/written word would get across with quiet strength. The parts could be inherently at odds. Then again I love Judas’ death scene in ‘J.C. Superstar’, so the synthesis can be done well.

broooooood

This really looks like a fade-in from a Christian music video.

The entire production is available to watch on YouTube, but all you really need to see are the first 20 seconds of this:

I don’t believe the intent was to sound like Don Cornelius, but that is definitely the effect.

Brood on, devil incarnate/misunderstood man.

Picture 5

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I am pleased as punch at Spectacle’s excellently curated ‘Anti-Valentine’s Day’ series, starting Feb. 1st with amazing 60s gender battle ‘The Laughing Woman’. Ranging from psychotic obsession to pure loathing, the four films are excellent antidotes against saccharine concepts of ‘love’ and ‘romance’ that get pushed on well-meaning folk from January onward.

If you’re a fan of Jodorowsky, I highly recommend catching ‘The Laughing Woman’ (also released as ‘The Frightened Woman’, to give you an idea of the power plays going on within the film). It’s gorgeously shot and beautifully set-dressed, each room’s color and design carefully composed. It’s also equally comfortable with sky-high symbolism:

THE LAUGHING WOMAN (Piero Schivazappa, 1969) from Spectacle Theater on Vimeo.

Why yes, that is a giant psychedelic automated vagina-door he walks into! This movie also features the artiest and most ridiculous cutaway for implied sexy doings I’ve ever seen – I couldn’t figure out a way to shoehorn it into the trailer but go see this movie if only to catch it: man at the wheel, stopped at the train tracks, the woman’s head dips out of sight; cut to – a small, brightly decorated train slowly rolling by draped with Mod ladies casually blowing wind instruments IN CLOSE-UP.  And still the description does not do the sheer ludicrousness of it justice. This is shortly followed by them driving along again, only to bank right AND DRIVE INTO THE LAKE BECAUSE IT’S AN AQUACAR. Absolutely outstanding. Oh, also there’s lots of interesting gender politics and psychological torture and whatnot, but mainly, there’s a 60s sportsaquacar and now I must own one.

 

Adding to the visual excellence is the score – by turns ominous, silly, and catchy as all get-out.  It’s extremely 60s – electronic organs, backing chorus, and wah-wah- guitar all over the place, with an adorable ‘theme song’ apparently sung by a French woman reading badly translated Italian to English lyrics. The grimy version pulled from the film is heard in the trailer, but due to a wonky transfer it seems to be sped up a bit from the original. If you visit Spectacle Theater’s page for the movie, you can download the amazing score for yourself and take a listen.

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‘Shooting Shark’ is a strange video even by the standards of a band known for their strange videos. How best to sum up Blue Oyster Cult’s tale of lovers recoiling in pain and anger yet reunited through destiny? This’ll do nicely:

There are many sexy sort-of animal ladies to go around.

The setting changes inexplicably (I use the word loosely here) from Magic Jazzercize Ritual to Renaissance Faire in an English Garden as the hero attempts to capture his lost lady love.

Here’s an excellent example of my favorite 80s video shot composition – Confused Hero in the foreground looking about wildly, Other Person running away, yet pausing dramatically to look at them, in the background. Also seen in : ‘Hungry Like The Wolf’, ‘Don’t Come Around Here No More’, ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’, and many more.

They managed to cram in a tribute to ‘Altered States’…

…AND ‘The Man Who Laughs‘! Now THAT is impressive.

The best part of this music video is its protagonist – presented without irony, Our Hero is a slightly pudgy, intense man sporting a 70s mustache and wearing a tank top as he fever dreams his way through a nightmare relationship. And wishes on stars.

IT’S SO BEAUUUUTIFUL!

(Thanks to Nate Doyle for bringing this video’s existence to my attention.)

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Forever

Everything about this video screams ‘Lynchian’ – the song’s dreamy 50s rhythm,

the strange man outside the events,

the overly wholesome couple,

a slight sense of menace,

the random matador…

It’s all too easy picturing Julee Cruise singing this at the Bang Bang Bar.

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I am not a dancer. Not formally, not casually. I have never felt compelled to move to any particular rhythm, don’t want to try, and experience mild terror just walking near a dance floor to get a drink for fear some well-meaning person will drag me in. I should say, try to drag me in, as standard reaction to past attempts has been to twist my arm Judo style and bolt to the nearest exit.

Dancing made me feel awkward and gangly and extremely stupid, like I had no idea how to operate the various limbs attached to me outside of walking and occasionally running. It followed that I saw no point in dancing, as from a nonparticipant’s standpoint it resembled ritualized exercise in the service of mating ritual at best and more active standing around the rest of the time. I went to exactly one dance in elementary school and was shockingly disappointed to realize the only things to do there were a) stand around and b) dance. I assumed they’d have carnival games in the hallway or activities, you know, something to actually DO while you were there. For some reason this lesson didn’t stick as I assumed the EXACT SAME THING when going to prom. And again I was shocked to find no mini-haunted house, no apple-bobbing, just a big ol’ dance with fancier dresses.

The rest of my family, however, had no problem with this strange coordinating of limbs and in fact quite enjoyed it. My mom was a disco diva through and through, with her only prom disappointment being three ‘Stairway to Heaven’ themes in a row, thanks to the stoners running prom committee. My sisters took several years of dance classes- jazz, modern, no ballet though; those kids looked like fierce automotons. I have hazy memories of attending a recital, mostly because my parents bought a video camera to tape the occasion and I was fascinated by the device. The girls grew into champions of the dance floor, absorbing new moves with ease. One sister in all seriousness wanted to be a Fly Girl when she grew up and I thought this a perfectly appropriate and possible job opportunity for her.

To this day they’re still ace, with the other sister working towards her dream of one day becoming Dance Hall Queen of Jamaica (good luck beating that crazy Japanese girl who won in 2010).

I, on the other hand, still flounder. While having vastly improved my Robot skills, the flailing of limbs to rhythmic beats still leaves me slightly panicky and extraordinarily self-conscious. Therefore I was shocked to discover how much I enjoy ‘Just Dance’, a Wii game, over this winter break. My mom, still loving dancing, had purchased the game as an extension of her ‘Zumba’ classes. To this day I am still unsure what Zumba is/means but was nearly driven insane listening to her class remix:

(Skip straight to 1:19 for the majority of what I was hearing. Please imagine your mother driving around shouting these lyrics at the top of her lungs while fistpumping violently).

The game is simple as its title: move along with the dancers on screen while holding a wiimote, and try not to punch your fellow gameplayers out while doing so. Through the same magic that convinced thousands playing Rock Band they were musicians, for the first time in my life I thought, huh! I can dance! And thanks to Mom’s overexuberant buying sprees, I had at my disposal Just Dance, Just Dance 2, Just Dance 3, and Just Dance: Michael Jackson Edition.

As someone with exposure to every iteration of this game in a short span, I noticed an evolution – the first ‘Just Dance’ is merely a ‘Now That’s What I call Music’ compilation brought to choreographized, rotoscoped life, aimed squarely at those who enjoy and enjoy consuming disposable pop culture, ie tween/teen girls and teen girls at heart. ‘Just Dance 2′ takes into consideration the other members of the family with songs by The Jackson 5 and The Rolling Stones for mom and dad, some Beastie Boys and Wham! for older siblings and relatives, Harry Belafonte and Quincy Jones for Nana, and…Boney M, for the historian with an appreciation for rhythm.

‘Just Dance 3′, the one I purchased, is insidious in how it considers those who would normally just sit and watch and LURES THEM IN. What be this madness where a Madness song, not even a radio hit, makes it on?! And there’s an interpretive dance thing to ‘This is Halloween’, yes, from ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’- WHAT?! Even Brahms is represented (well, as ‘played’ by the ‘Just Dance Classical Orchestra’). Well, now I’m hooked. I still don’t want to get on the dance floor, but should I have to I’m less inclined to run as I’ve become acclimated to this strange jiggling of body parts called ‘dancing’ through this silly game. Below is a breakdown of the standout hits (for me) of the game:

Madness – Night Boat To Cairo: The theme’s a little on-the-nose with mummies and a camel. Bonus points for including actual Madness dance moves including the Group Stop & Swoop and Everyone Step Together.


(For your dancing consideration.)

Donna Summer – I Feel Love: This one’s extra sneaky. You think you’re getting a straight disco song only to find they’ve crossed Klaus Nomi with Kate Bush for choreography! Plus a very Björk hairdo! Sooo fun.

Chemical Brothers – Hey Boy, Hey Girl:
This is the closest I ever hope to come to a rave. Still, points for letting me dance inside the head of the glowstick set while being an extra in ‘Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See’.

A-Ha! – Take On Me: So…so much twirling.

The Sugarhill Gang – Apache (Jump On It): Thanks to a generation’s exposure to this song through ‘Fresh Prince’, they took the delightful lazy route and went with similar choreography. Best done in groups and surreptitiously filmed.

African Ladies – Pata Pata: Whee! You and a pal get to coordinate easy moves and learn the basics of body rolling!

Scissor Sisters – I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’: for when you DO feel like being sassy.

KISS – I Was Made For Lovin’ You: This song is proof positive KISS sucked at being a rock band (but excelled in self-promotion). The choreography acknowledges this and takes it to another level with line-skipping and coordinated fist-pumpery.

Robin Sparkles – Let’s Go To The Mall: A friend had to explain to me this isn’t a ‘real’ song, but a character from the TV show ‘How I Met Your Mother’s Canadian 80′s pop hit. The strangeness of a fictional character’s actual song appearing in a dance game outside its fictional reality aside, the song is indeed infectious and Canadian. Man, I hope other countries make fun of us with as few tropes as we use to mock Canadians. ‘Eh’, ‘aboot’, hockey, politeness, maybe a mullet. That’s it, that completely covers mocking Canada for the United States.

I recently learned of the existence of ‘Just Dance: ABBA’ and will be purchasing it as soon as a used copy turns up at the Bushwick Game Stop (this may be a while).

Alternate titles: Confessions of a Wii Addict, Apache: Jump On It, Dance Dance (Secret) Revolution, Indoor Jazz Hands, Strange Love or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Just Dance

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