Out & About

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The Iowa State Fair: Llama Llimbo

September 2, 2011 in Iowa, Out & About, WTF by rarerborealis | No comments

For some, it was the comedy stylings of Shenaniguns. For others, the Butter Cow. For me, the one must-see event of the State Fair was the Llama Limbo and Costume contest, and it did not disappoint. We arrived in time to catch the tail end of the obstacle course run, set with all the distractions llamas must overcome in their native habitat:


Piles of sticks, tiny trees, and the llama’s deadliest foe, the ground pheasant, all traversed bearing bags of water about the neck.

After that, limbo time! Several handlers, along with audience volunteers, the Iowa Llama Queen and the State Fair Queen, were randomly paired up with available llamas, all which were shaggy-coated, pokey-eared, and adorable. One of the audience volunteers was a 7-foot tall former Iowan, current New Yorker, which made him the brunt of constant ‘city slicker’ jokes the entire contest despite his coming in second place. In a limbo contest. With a llama. While being over 6 feet tall.


The State Fair Queen and her randomly assigned llama ducked successfully under the bar. I was impressed she managed to do so well with her foot-tall crown on.

The costume contest began after a short break to prep and gussy. Now, the point of the contest is to highlight how trusting, confident, gentle and trainable llamas are, in a fun way. That’s why the costumes have to completely cover the face and body, with extra points for heavy, jangly bits and crinkly fabrics that would terrify lesser animals like cats and dogs. Unfortunately the net effect was less ‘cute animal costumes’ and more ‘Texas Chainsaw Llamas’:

Yeaaaaah. It didn’t help part of the cutesiness was supposed to stem from the handlers’ costumes matching the llamas, resulting in some unsettling pairings. Babe the Blue Ox and Paul Bunyon at least make sense.

This just has so many strange implications.

Seems a bit on the nose.

This was the winner for the mid-age group, mostly because of the hula skirt’s crinkliness.

This should’ve been the winner, but apparently the legs weren’t covered enough or something. Come on, it’s Dino!

This was the winner for the older age group; I think the llama was supposed to be a mobile haunted house or something. The judge lost her mind over the pumpkin booties.


‘Get a Workout While You Walk’.

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Iowa State Fair 2: The Harvesting

August 28, 2011 in Iowa, Out & About by rarerborealis | 3 comments

Yes, it’s that time of year where laziness in writing has my vacations lapping each other in posts. This second visit to the Iowa State Fair was a more leisurely outing, with ample time to take in the numerous fried foods and, thanks to their website’s handy itinerary feature, get good seats for the Dairy Goat Obstacle Course.


Immediately upon arrival fellow traveler Angry Jim and I set out to do that which we dared not the year before- eat fried butter. “But how can you fry butter?” you ask, either in a tone of horror or with notepad and pen at the ready. I’ll tell you. First, take a whole stick of rich, creamery butter. Slice it in half diagonally so you have two butterwedges (yes, I’m making it one word). Dunk that thing into a vat of thick, gooey pancake-like batter spiced with cinnamon and magic.


Now, dunk THAT into a vat of superheated oil. Swirl gently and fry to a deep golden brown. For no earthly reason, top with a generous drizzle of sugar frosting.


Here’s Angry Jim contemplating the horror of what he has ordered.


Despite the insulating coat of batter, the butter mostly melted or soaked into the dough.


Mmm, delicious goo. The final product tasted like a cakier cinnamon bun, with the texture of a corn dog.


Yep, pretty much just like this.

Behold! Some of the largest vegetables this country has to offer:


These are greenbeans. GREENBEANS! What kind of freakish mutant-vegetable future are we living in?!


Two-headed corn
Just sitting on plates
The judges await
Now you’re greater than great
I can hear as your ear grows by far


That does not look like a ‘slow snail’, unless ‘slow snail’ means turd.


In front of the Pork Tent, obviously.


Not the kind variety, just All-American.


Everything is on a stick at the fair. Salad on a stick, eggs on a stick; a booth run by a Methodist church even handed out ‘Prayers on a Stick’. I hoped they’d be little parchment rolls skewered through, but it was just a popsicle stick with stuff written on it.


This probably took 20 minutes to reach capacity.


Here was the most charming surprise at the fair- amidst bacon-wrapped corn dogs and turkey legs on a stick, an entire cooking category devoted to vegan foods. Vegan! In a land where you have to ask to make sure the french fries aren’t served with a hunk of lamb on top!


Didn’t Wes Anderson make an animated feature with these two?


The Jelly Which Shall Not Be Named.

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Free Pattern Friday: Stormy Weather

August 27, 2011 in Crafty Goodness, Free Patterns!, New York City, Stitchery by rarerborealis | No comments

As I belatedly type this on the eve of Hurricane Irene, after a day’s worth of panic from the radio (“If you and your children should find yourself near downed power lines, don’t touch them!” Thanks guys!), trudging through endless grocery lines, and now nervously wondering if the few people I know stuck in Manhattan made the last subway train out (deadline: 12:00pm), it all seems a bit extreme.

We on the East Coast are geographically fortunate, mostly avoiding natural disasters that plague the rest of the country. We’re on a major fault line, but it’s mostly inactive. We do get storms, but they’re weakened after moving up the coast. We’ve even had the occasional tornado, though with the dense build-up they’re rarely as destructive as those in the Midwest and barely touch down. So it’s a bit of a surprise having a hurricane follow an earthquake in less than a week.

The yin and yang of stereotypical New York mindsets, the high-strung neurotic and the blasè rock, are reacting about as expected. For every gallery owner panic-grabbing fontina and prosecco at Eataly screaming “I HAVE CHILDREN TO THINK OF!”, there’s a stoopfull of elderly Hispanic guys quietly chatting and playing dominoes (which they would continue doing whether the sun came out or a car exploded in front of them). Given how hectic day-to-day life in a crowded city is, either mentality is an acceptable coping mechanism, but it’s funny how few major disasters the city has to deal with. With the 10-year anniversary of September 11th drawing near that may seem strange to write, but it’s the 10-year anniversary, and how many large-scale terrorist attacks have we experienced since? Exactly.

Which brings me rather long-windedly around to this week’s pattern, from a state that’s no stranger to devastating natural events.

Stay safe, everyone.

On a random tangent, I declare the Allan Moore lookalike the Stevie Nicks of Kansas, for while the rest of the band plays 12 instruments each, he sings and plays tambourine. And sports a boss beard.

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Around The City: Brief Signage

August 24, 2011 in New York City, Out & About by rarerborealis | No comments


Low self-esteem gate.


No relation to Dunkin’ Donuts. Or ‘The French Connection’.

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State Fair Preparedness

August 19, 2011 in Iowa, Out & About, WTF by rarerborealis | No comments

It’s off to the world-renowned Iowa State Fair tomorrow! Livestock, farming techniques, that which should not be fried, all will shine in full glory under the warm Iowan sun. But…there’s ever so much to do and so very little time to see it, and what of the one-day-only events?

Lucky for everyone, the State Fair website has a handy itinerary feature. Just choose which days you’ll attend, and all the possibilities at every moment scroll before your wondering eyes! Merely click on those that intrigue, and when you hit ‘Plan My Itinerary’, all choices are cross-listed by time and place. What convenience! I’ve certainly booked a full day for myself, and screencapped my selections as I doubt anyone would believe they were real otherwise:


Somehow ‘mystery sack’ and ‘adults’ sounds worse than ‘mystery sack’ and ‘kids’. I don’t even know who would qualify as ‘celebrity’.


‘I Milked A Cow’ sounds like a very dull noir film, though paying a dollar an hour seems pretty sweet if you get to keep the milk.


Yep, sounds about right for the Budweiser stage.


DEMOLITION DERBYYYYYY! Of course, they used to crash trains:


And by ‘something special for kids’ they mean thousands of painful stings.


There is no way in hell I’m missing the Llama costume/limbo contest.


MILK WAS A BAD CHOICE.


Chili boots prepped and ready.


Why run dairy goats through an obstacle course? Wouldn’t that be bad for the…you know what, whatever. I look forward to seeing heavy-teated goats slaloming around poles.


Oh, Shenaniguns. Taking violent tools of death and making us laugh.

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