80′s

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‘Shooting Shark’ is a strange video even by the standards of a band known for their strange videos. How best to sum up Blue Oyster Cult’s tale of lovers recoiling in pain and anger yet reunited through destiny? This’ll do nicely:

There are many sexy sort-of animal ladies to go around.

The setting changes inexplicably (I use the word loosely here) from Magic Jazzercize Ritual to Renaissance Faire in an English Garden as the hero attempts to capture his lost lady love.

Here’s an excellent example of my favorite 80s video shot composition – Confused Hero in the foreground looking about wildly, Other Person running away, yet pausing dramatically to look at them, in the background. Also seen in : ‘Hungry Like The Wolf’, ‘Don’t Come Around Here No More’, ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’, and many more.

They managed to cram in a tribute to ‘Altered States’…

…AND ‘The Man Who Laughs‘! Now THAT is impressive.

The best part of this music video is its protagonist – presented without irony, Our Hero is a slightly pudgy, intense man sporting a 70s mustache and wearing a tank top as he fever dreams his way through a nightmare relationship. And wishes on stars.

IT’S SO BEAUUUUTIFUL!

(Thanks to Nate Doyle for bringing this video’s existence to my attention.)

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Remember several months ago, when I posted about this sniveling thief bythelightofthemoon (toknittowoo on Etsy), who stole patterns from me, Bex and a number of other free pattern sites to sell on Ebay? Remember how I put up the stupid watermark so this wouldn’t happen again? Well, it turns out just because you have no morality doesn’t mean you can’t figure out Photoshop. Behold, a pattern put up AFTER the watermarking:

CLICK FOR BLATANT, ‘COPYRIGHT INFRINGING’ THIEVERY!

Here’s the link to the original FREE pattern, which I will again clarify is for personal use only, NOT FOR RIPPING OFF AND BADLY PHOTOSHOPPING INTO A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BACKGROUND. Also, for the briefest lesson in pattern copyright – the pattern is not just for the image, IT IS FOR THE PATTERN INSTRUCTION, so guess what sister, you’re still stealing even if you did make some collages. And you also just blatantly stole a bunch of my patterns and stuck your stupid name over the top.

What’s even worse, this louse has set up her own website full of stolen patterns, presumably as a hedge against the inevitable shutdown of her completely stolen Ebay store. If you’d like to contact her through her new shop, as the email she lists for the ebay store, mariella@coolers.fsbusiness.co.uk, doesn’t seem to work (or perhaps she’s just blocked my email, possibly the only intelligent thing she’s done), please feel free to click here and write away.

I am absolutely crushed by this. This is the second time, after personally contacting them to stop no less, patterns have been stolen from my site. Until I can figure out a better way to share these images with good honest folk without getting burned again, I won’t be posting any more free patterns. Sorry guys. If anyone out there slightly better at watermarking or protecting images has any suggestions, please do let me know.

Also, be sure to tell as many people as you can, internet or in person, that thanks to the generosity of a large group of vintage pattern lovers, so many wonderful patterns are available absolutely free on a variety of sites. In fact, there are several sites out there that exist just to aggregate free patterns. Some have ads and probably derive revenue from clicks, but they at least link people back to the original and don’t try and sell them hogwash. It just boils my potatoes to think not only is someone making a profit off of stolen goods, but someone on the other end of the transaction is getting bilked out of their hard-earned money. Or if they’re a kept man or woman, someone else’s hard-earned money. And this person has already had over 14,000 sales. Times the ridiculous $5.00 for a PDF, that’s quite the stolen income, and until I can figure out a better way, I’m not helping them make another dime.

Again, that thief’s name is:

Mariella Shearer
24A Silver Street
Dursley
Gloucestershire
GL11 4ND
sims@coolers.fsbusiness.co.uk

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I’m not sure what’s my favorite- the part where the punks are slam dancing in the middle of a New York street (before getting slammed into by an evil hovercraft), or when the rich jerks’ car gets sucked under (by an evil hovercraft). You know what, it’s actually where the golfer’s security guard gets thrown forward right into a tree (by an evil hovercraft. Hovercraft.)

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Ah me. I’m still working towards being this entertaining an animator. It reminds me of the ‘Everybody Wants Some’ scene in ‘Better Off Dead’, but with far superior animation. Using a song that sounds like Yaz doesn’t hurt either.

Bubblicious from Rex The Dog on Vimeo.

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It’s funny; I bet no one thought of ‘the 90s’ as a look until  kids born at its start began dressing in teeny flower prints, piles of flannel, and Doc Martens. While it was going on, people in the 90s just dressed ‘comfortably’ or ‘fashionably’, as they saw fit, with what was available to them at local retailers. As said in the Seattle music documentary ‘Hype!’, “Wanna know why we wore flannel all the time? Because it’s fucking COLD up here.” Summing up a decade with fashion shorthand usually misses the actuality of the time period, the non-runway people living everyday lives with hand-me-downs and limited budgets.

That said, sometimes fashion shorthand is right on the nose. I was digging around for some nice Scandinavian intarsia patterns (what, you’ve never?) and came across this artifact CLEARLY, PAINFULLY from the 80s. It’s all there- the big hair, bigger tops, weird variations on beige and the masculine ideal…but it’s KNITTING patterns. As anyone who’s made even a hat knows, knitting takes a considerable amount of time and effort to create a final garment; you’re making each individual loop of the fabric. So to see something so dated and know at least one person worked at least 3 weeks to make it is one kind of sad. To open up the latest ‘Vogue Knitting’ and see the modern variant, knowing it will be dated is a whole different existential ‘I am but a brief moment in the flow of time’ crisis (one reason not to have a subscription).

Still, the recycling of the 80s has nearly run its course, the 90s are now ‘in’ ‘again’, and so we can chuckle at the folly of the following (if for some perverse reason you’d like to make any of these, I’ve linked the images to the patterns):

Post-apocalyptic wear in Oatmeal or Beige. I like the masculine ‘your seam is showing’ vs. the feminine ‘puffy sleeve’.

Guy, take the serious down a notch. You are wearing a Russian Navy hat and something with Powder Blue in it, NOT Peter Murphy in ‘The Hunger’.

I’d like to imagine the baby is seeing beyond this earthly plane, reaching out to some invisible spirit in an effort not to see the half-assed Kid Icarus on his shirt.

Speaking of shorthanding a generation’s fashion, why were the 80s obsessed with the 50s? Was it all the repression? Some yearning for the decade’s boundless optimism? And how does that relate to dolling up this poor woman like a chemical peel victim hiding the shame?

Biiiiiiig hair. Biiig hairsprayed hair.

Even the singer from Madness got into the act.

garnstudio3

Speaking of 80s English music, wait a minute…is that…

garnstudioSMITHrobert_smith

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