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On the large move to a new system in general:

“There may be instances where you’re doing all the work.”

On attempting to show how easy the embedded search feature is:

“Google…seems to be down. Well, if that happens, you can call Google.”

On answering a coworker’s question regarding the system erasing a day’s worth of work:

“Just so you know, there once was a problem with that.”



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Due to a gap between major projects, the workload has lightened considerably, leaving open time normally spent harrassing the graphics department. This coincides with the office getting a new POD system-not an alien infiltration device, but a somewhat confusing and inefficient way to make a single cup of coffee or tea using a wee round packet stuck atop a metal cone. In short I’ve had a lot of overcaffinated free time on my hands.

Normally any extraneous time would be spent typing inanely on GChat, but scourge of the gods, it’s not working! I actually had to call people to talk to them. You can’t say an emoticon! How am I supposed to get ‘B-)’ across?

The only ‘work’ I’ve had to do is go to the occasional meeting. While a coworker dialled in to a conference call, it occured to me you could probably play the opening to both ‘Hall of the Mountain King’ and ‘Dance of the SugarPlum Fairy’ on the touchtone pad. An internet search revealed yes, people are bored enough to have compiled long lists of songs playable on your keypad(including the underrated carol ‘Good King Wensceslas’), but neither song I sought came up. I don’t think anyone but Kraftwerk’s really utilized the phone’s full potential as an instrument.

Typing in ‘killer bees’ doesn’t get you the Wu Tang, but it does get you this.

I read extensively on the various diseases plaguing the American Honeybee; the most digusting image goes to the Small Hive Beetle, while grossest description goes to American Foulbrood. Ew.

This interest comes from the terrifying spread of Colony Collapse Disorder. In this increasingly widespread situaiton, beekeepers will find hives much the same as the Mary Celeste-food stores and valuables left behind, with no trace of the bees. Capped brood, those larvae who’ve yet to eat through their wax caps, remain behind as well, and display no traces of foulbrood, an infectious bacterial disease. They’ve still no idea what causes it, but it seems very telling that a sign of CCD is abandoned hives are not raided by other healthy hives nearby, as would normally happen in the case of mites or bacterial infection (in fact, this is one of the ways these bee plagues spread).

Lest anyone freak out that we’ll all starve to death due to a dearth of bees, the honeybee is NOT native to America, and so our native crops are not dependent on their pollinating. However, one third of our current crops do depend on some form of pollination; for reasons of economy bees have often done the job, though they are actually less efficient than other insects at it. In short-Colony Collapse Disorder: scarifying but not the next Doomsday trigger.

Apparently the fellows in Lordi, the Finnish metal band that won the Eurovision song contest, have made a movie. It appears to be a serious horror movie starring all members of the band as various monsters plaguing the inhabitants of an abandoned hospital. Always with the abandoned hospitals. I guess abandoned pencil factories don’t hold the same allure.

Last night I and my friends failed miserably at a nearby bar’s music quiz, though as it was Led Zepplin-based, we were quite proud. We came in 5th, before Misty Mountains and The Cubbyholes, but way behind Franz Skafka and the winning team, Oskama Been Skankin’. My friends demanded of the person running it that next week be pop punk, so they could taste the sweet victory of the $20 bar tab first prize nets. Zepplin. I’ve heard more Led Zepplin than both my parents in their combined lifetimes, and my mom went to two ‘Stairway to Heaven’-themed proms (she went to a total of 5 and stoners ran her school’s dance committee). Their swaggering brand of indulgent rock and the fanboys that adulate it annoy me to no end, and thanks to Q104.3′s ENDLESS hours of ‘Get the Led Out’, if I never hear ‘Whole Lotta Love’ again it’ll be too soon.

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I’ve always been annoyed that my history classes were so dull. History itself is a rich soap opera of lies, betrayal, torrid affairs, backdoor dealings, total goofs, and all the fun that goes along with the human race. Unfortunately self-censoring on the part of school systems leaves what should be a juicy gossip session on faded years into a dry-as-dust snoozefest about dates, numbers, and why you should feel guilty for being white(perhaps this wasn’t everyone’s experience, but we spent three times as long on each chapter in our book reading supplements about ‘the minority experience’, whether or not that experience was relevant to the general makeup of the time or any historical events happening). The Roman times were the only vaguely interesting part, if only because it was impossible to sweep all that gore and smut under a P.C. rug.

Our history teacher had a particular obsession with John F. Kennedy, a 4 ft. tall poster of his head blocking one of our class’ windows. We spent an extra week watching Oliver Stone’s ‘JFK’, during which I got a detention for giggling at the ‘back and to the left’ bit(it was all ‘The Critic’s fault, confound it!). She waxed raptureously about him for another week before we finally moved on. In a similarly creepy vein she also obsessed over Teddy Roosevelt. She spent a fruitless day lecturing about the Rough Riders,

not realizing 70% of her class thought she was talking about the Ruff Ryders.

So, in the interest of not whitewashing history, I present the lesser known side of the third reich.

More hot Ubermensch on Ubermensch action!

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