candy

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Oh, you didn’t think I was done with the shore yet, did you? Wildwood can’t be encapsulated in a single post, nay! It takes a triad of posts to adequately cover the broad spectrum of signage and boardwalkery available to the average visitor!

This sign was conveniently posted on the fence around the ‘Test Your Strength’ bell. One can only imagine the sea of douchery surrounding this area on summer weekends as each gelled and tribal-tattooed guy tries out-machoing the others.

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The Funky Dolphin sounds like a level of my personal hell.
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While I appreciate the Hot Sauce store sticking with what it knows, aren’t all names ‘personalized’ by the fact they’re your name?
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Yes, that is a giant 2-story water slide going out, then back in to a hotel. Jealous?
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Out of all the kitschy 60s hotel signage, this was the kitschiest.
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Ok, Munchies. While you get points for a name appealing directly to your target demographic, your sign is officially getting reported to the Grammar Police.
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What, is your year an approximation of the normal 365 days the rest of us use? Are you estimating the number of slices and chicken chunks? And what exactly is it that belongs to pizza?

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Suicidal hot dog!
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This is a ‘game’ where you pay to get zapped with electricity. As a tool to measure jockish machismo, I’m sure it’s a big boardwalk hit.
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All the glasses in this claw game were Elton-Johntastic.
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As long as you credit where you took it from, you can slap any picture on a shirt!
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What with all the gentrification and family-friendlifying of New York, it’s easy to forget the city was and still remains a tiny space crammed full of people. Whether created in a higher being’s image, the fact remains one out of every one humans has weird predilections, quirks, beliefs and tastes, some of which, depending on the focus, get labeled ‘perversions’, and when you have this many humans jammed together there appear to be more perversions in the big, scary city than in the ‘safe’ suburbs. Really, it’s just a density issue.

bitch flavored mouthwash

Which might explain the casual strangeness strewn around New York- unlike the suburbs, there’s just not room to hide it.

Seriously, don’t click unless you want to be scarred by candy.

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