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Per request, here’s the other pattern shown in a previous post from Minerva Vol. 40. Inspired in equal parts by jaunty sailor and 60s taxicab, the pattern features a checkered collared top, skirt with checkered pockets, and a giant crocheted coat for those nippy cruise ship evenings.

Ahoy hoy!

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First, a gentle dip into the past, when fashion wasn’t just worn, but sung! Tra la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaa…..

And now, a disturbing look into….THE FUTURE! A world full of strange new materials, disturbing man-traps, and for the gents, articulated facial hair:

Laugh if you will, but parts of this are suprisingly prescient. Behold! (it’ll help if you read all the following with this playing in the background):

Which brings us back to the past-present, which is to say the present of the past in which this pattern was created, brought to us in the present-present moment of the future, you there, reading this now (now being the immediate present moment of current existence):

It looks classier in the illustration than it does executed in real life, where the model looks like she was on the losing end of a doily fight:

WELCOME….TO THE FUTURE!

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Hallow’een. Eve of All Souls, night when the thin veil between living and dead is torn asunder, when the tormented spirits of Hell’s darkest corners walk the earth again wreaking vengeance upon innocent blood, when abominations of flesh stalk the land seeking fresh meat to feed their insatiable cravings, when ghouls roam free and the Devil commands! Also, free candy.

It is only fitting then, that this week’s pattern should reflect the eldritch horrors the holiday has to offer. Prepare yourselves, gird your mind against the foul, unimaginable terrors of…


OWL CROCHET! Oooooooh! Oooooooohh….

Ok, ok, I dug through all my magazines and couldn’t find a darn thing scarier than this. No skulls, no corpses, not even something close to the creepy level of these balaclavas. True, the owl sort of looks angry, but for Halloween that just doesn’t cut it. Maybe you could tat on some red thread around the beak, add on a little half-eaten felt mouse on the branch or something, I don’t know.

The title of this particular post comes from the movie ‘Gothika’, the Smurf-blue ‘horror’ film directed by Amile’s boyfriend and the sole reason Fred Durst ever got to make out with Halle Berry and ruin a Who song. On its own the film, a flashy, cheesy exercise in clichè and plot twists spotted a mile away, isn’t worth wasting your time.

However, with the director’s commentary on it’s a surreal peek into what this particular Frenchman thinks Americans think is scary. “See, we are going down zis hallway and it is bloo, because bloo is scary, and now we go around ze corner and BOO YOU ARE SCARED!” Seriously, he shouts “BOO YOU ARE SCARED!” whenever he shock-cuts or has something jump in front of the camera, so approximately every 2 minutes.

Put the ‘owl’ in ‘howlidays’.

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Another Free Pattern Friday, another silly chapeau to add to the collection. Well, it’s not really that they’re ‘silly’, it’s just that we as a society have moved towards hatlessness, for good or ill. Unfortunately I can’t recall the B noir movie it’s from, but hats were once so integral to daily life that when a foiled robber ran out of a store, police cars were advised to be on the lookout for a ‘man without hat, repeat, man without hat‘.


Ahem.

Head coverings are staging a comeback, and I’ll gladly do my part to stop making it look like young ladies beat up grandpas and stole a souvenir. Enjoy!

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Some time last year a New York law must have passed mandating all baristas wear hats while working, because one day the folk serving me coffee are bareheaded, the next I walked in and wonder if it’s Silly Hat Day. One fellow’s wearing a rasta beanie, the other a cowboy hat, and another wore one of those Irish hats you should not wear if you’re under 50.

Eventually baristas wearing doofy toques became commonplace, even banal. Recently though, a lady at the local coffee shop took the law to the next level, flouting intent while following the letter. She donned a wee straw spectator, a teeny poof of a boater tied on with string and sporting a thin band of ribbon around the brim, a ‘hat’ 100% useless in preventing any sort of hair from floating into foodstuffs.

Tiny Straw Boater
Tinier.

mini boater hat
TINIER.

menonfilm
Eh, close enough.

In honor of that small bit of ridiculous haberdashery, I present this bit, the Glow Crinkle Hat, courtesy of The Handicrafter (Winter & Spring ’33-’34). Enjoy!

glowcrinkle

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