In sadder news, Satoshi Kon, director of Perfect Blue and Millenium Actress passed away recently. Reading this short obituary, the phrase ‘died suddenly of cancer’ popped out; how the hell do you die suddenly of cancer?
The truth turned out to be far sadder, with the director knowing he had terminal pancreatic cancer but choosing to keep it quiet, as he wasn’t going to undergo treatment and didn’t want to worry everyone. Still, there are cases of ‘sudden’ cancerous deaths with a cancer, usually malignant melanoma, spreading and metastasizing in a short amount of time. Usually the suddenness comes from a diagnosis made after several months of the cancer growing unchecked.
It should be clarified that ‘super cancers’, cancers that supposedly metastasize and kill in under a day/week, do not really exist except in one or two very rare medical instances where other factors figured in.
Just in case you’re a healthy young person with an unremarkable family medical history who exercises regularly and suchforth, there’s always pulmonary embolisms to worry about.
According to music of the 50s and 60s, the lead cause of teen death was crying while driving away. While young death’s always been a popular subject, it’s ridiculous how many songs from these decades specifically involve tear-blurred vision followed by quick vehicular doom described in uptempo beats. Of course, there’s also popular variants involving the parents dying of heartbreak, the boy or girl dying of heartbreak, or getting hit by a train or truck.
I was pleasantly surprised to find all the songs I have in my collection available on youtube, some with original performances, most with badly-iMovie-edited montages. Enjoy!
Leader of the Pack – The Shangri-Las
Probably the best-known of the genre. The Shangri-Las pop up here a lot; they weren’t known as the Myrmidons of Melodrama for nothing.
Honey – Bobby Goldsboro
This song is 90% insulting to the titular girl, but now that she’s dead he gets to complain about her under the guise of eulogizing their love. Way to turn lemons into lemonade, Bobby!
I Can Never Go Home Anymore – The Shangri-Las
One of the ‘parents drop dead from heartache’ variants; I mostly included this for the great choral descriptives of ‘That’s called…glad.” and “That’s called…sad.” Somehow they make it sound charming.
Laura – Dickey Lee
A musical take on the classic urban myth. I wish someone had written a song about the one where the girl goes to the prom in a secondhand dress that smelled funny- during the dance she gets sick and goes home and falls asleep in the dress, AND THE NEXT DAY SHE’S DEAD!!!! The dress was STOLEN FROM A GRAVE and she was POISONED BY FORMALDEHYDE! It could be just as poppy and catchy as any of these.
Dead Man’s Curve – Jan & Dean
Homer: Hey Skinner, wanna drag race? (revs engine.)
Skinner: My high school sweetheart was killed in a drag racing accident.
Homer: Come on, it’ll be fun!
Skinner: That’s what Debbie Sue said.
Give Us Your Blessing – The Shangri-Las
This song has everything that makes the Shangri-Las great: in-studio foley, wall-of-sound chorus, ridiculous spoken word lyrics, slightly off-key harmonizing, and of course, tragic teen death.
Teen Angel – Mark Dinning
Really? You went back for the ring? You vs. oncoming freight train, and you had to go back and get something that costs maximum, $200 from Jostens?
Tell Laura I Love Her – Ray Peterson
Going back for a ring most of us chuck in a sock drawer and forget about a year after graduation isn’t as dumb as this guy’s chain of thought: ‘Huh, I need some cash fast. Second-shift job? Nah. Short-term loan? Nah. Stock Car Race! Bingo!’
Last Kiss – J. Frank Wilson
This may be the most vicious song of all in terms of contrast between lyric brutality and pure sweet pop.
D.O.A. – Bloodrock
Here we have 70s stoner rock following in the 50s death mold, but with a first-person twist. Also I believe it’s a plane they were driving in the song, not a car. Plane-related deaths were all the rage in the 70s. Added fun- the video’s from the band’s 80s reformation! Spanning the decades!
Goodbye Eddie Goodbye – The Juicy Fruits
…and to come full circle, 70s camp spoofing of the entire genre, from the excellent ‘Phantom of the Paradise’. The sudden switch to Mexican accents halfway through remains a mystery to me.
Bonus! Sha Na Na singing ‘Teen Angel’ to the hippies at Woodstock!
I’ve posted random stuff online for several years and am happy to provide a pleasant visual forum for visitors to oggle. I hope this site offers tidbits of interest to the curious reader, and useful information for the crafty.
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