I’ve always been annoyed that my history classes were so dull. History itself is a rich soap opera of lies, betrayal, torrid affairs, backdoor dealings, total goofs, and all the fun that goes along with the human race. Unfortunately self-censoring on the part of school systems leaves what should be a juicy gossip session on faded years into a dry-as-dust snoozefest about dates, numbers, and why you should feel guilty for being white(perhaps this wasn’t everyone’s experience, but we spent three times as long on each chapter in our book reading supplements about ‘the minority experience’, whether or not that experience was relevant to the general makeup of the time or any historical events happening). The Roman times were the only vaguely interesting part, if only because it was impossible to sweep all that gore and smut under a P.C. rug.
Our history teacher had a particular obsession with John F. Kennedy, a 4 ft. tall poster of his head blocking one of our class’ windows. We spent an extra week watching Oliver Stone’s ‘JFK’, during which I got a detention for giggling at the ‘back and to the left’ bit(it was all ‘The Critic’s fault, confound it!). She waxed raptureously about him for another week before we finally moved on. In a similarly creepy vein she also obsessed over Teddy Roosevelt. She spent a fruitless day lecturing about the Rough Riders,
not realizing 70% of her class thought she was talking about the Ruff Ryders.
So, in the interest of not whitewashing history, I present the lesser known side of the third reich.