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I’d nearly forgotten the apoplectic annoyance this exhibit induced, but looking at the photos brings it all rushing back. Upon seeing the hokey banners and looping video with a narrator sharing ‘proof’ the earth was only 7,000 years old, I froze- the urge to run up and correct everyone there combined with simultaneous confusion as to exactly what point was being made canceled out all motor skills.


(click for a larger image)

Eventually I snapped some photos in a continued attempt to figure out what the point of this all was. Dinosaurs didn’t go extinct, they were drowned in the Great Flood, maybe? A friendly older woman came up to me and said all the pamphlets were free; I could take what I wanted. I took several before my friend dragged me away; I think he thought I’d angrily start correcting her, when really the only thing I wanted to ask was ‘what are you trying to tell people?’

After reading the pamphlet, detailing the hows and whys of dinosaurs being left off the ark, along with a confusing tangent about animals being ‘paired in twos’, not necessarily male/female couples (God would take care of it?), I was more confused than ever. I think the point of the exhibit wasn’t dinosaurs at all, but how the Earth is much younger than scientists believe. If anything, the experience was a comfort- no matter how well-funded and deeply believed the silliness is, without competency the message doesn’t get across.

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While visiting Iowa, we went to the 99th annual Meskwaki Pow-wow, an event that happens once a year and reunites members of the tribe on their settlement. They were very particular to note their tribe lives on a settlement, NOT a reservation. in the mid-1800′s, noticing the trend of shuffling tribes around as suited others, the tribe pooled their resources and purchased the land they still own to this day (they recently opened a casino on it). You can read more about the Meskwaki here. It had rained the night before, turning the meeting grounds into a muddy mess. It was also apparently ‘senior day’ explaining the numerous busloads dropping elderly passangers off. Strangely, all wore superclean white athletic shoes and all were superclean when I passed them on my way out. Elderly magic!

Don’t let the tipi fool you; the traditional Meskwaki hut was in full effect, though with more modern coverings:

The dome shape of the tent structures built by visiting tribe members was identical to the historic example set up towards the back, but where that one used reeds, these used the more practical, and I certainly hope waterproof, tarp.

Yep, that’s Meskwaki kids playing with cheap plastic bows and arrows. Sigh.


I didn’t realize he was posing for me standing in a half foot of water until I saw it again here.

There was a medium-sized tent full of historical items and facts:

This is a decorative axe,


a gold French ‘trading ring’,


examples of decor and tools,



and they had an entire book of tribe members in the armed services. The Meskwaki have participated in every war from WWI onward in one branch or another.

Really though, most visitors skipped the history. There were 3 things they came to the pow-wow for-

Foodstuffs

Ok, if they aren’t going to be PC I don’t see why I should try.


Ultimate pregnancy combo!


Yes, Saucy is an orderable dish; it’s pulled pork smothered in BBQ sauce.



This is the most ethnic food in one spot I saw in Iowa.


I ordered an Indian Taco, which consists of fry bread and the veggie makings of a taco dumped on top, with a generous portion of salsa (El Paso brand, if my taste buds are correct). Fry bread, in texture and taste, is very similar to the Italian fried dough treat zeppole, but less sweet. Also similar to zeppole, treating it like normal bread feels wrong and makes your meal 10x heavier.

Tchochkies
If they weren’t selling foodstuffs, the booths were selling Native American goods and trinkets. Not Meskwaki stuff, ‘Native American’ in the most general sense of the words stuff. Lots of dreamcatchers, beads, feathers, and airbrushed women fading into wolves.


Dancing
The big draw for most were the various ceremonial dances. Unfortunately the muddiness and rain put off the scheduled start time by an hour. The announcer charmingly filled in, musing about hot dogs, querying the audience on their favorite teams, and good-naturedly ribbing the dancers, all in a low-key voice.

Here’s the dancers getting ready for the opening ceremony:



The narrator continued his commentary through the dancing:

Here they have the elders, dressed in the traditional Meskwaki style (they were a northern tribe, located in modern-day Canada, hence the mostly fur outfit).

The next day we went to an ‘estate sale’, a phrase that gives inaccurate aura to the casual proceedings of the day. Essentially someone’s entire house of stuff, similar to what it might look like if your or my grandparent’s house was emptied out, was put on tables in a small warehouse. We walked around and looked at the items, sat down and watched them brought up, and bit by bit all was sold to the highest bidder. With rare exception, none of the items went over $10. Exceedingly annoying was the practice of, should an item not sell, grabbing the next nearest item and lumping it in. This is how, bidding on some vintage buttons, I ended up with vintage buttons, a creepy 4-going-on-40 doll, old thread, a box of clips, and darning needles. Between this and the fact nothing was announced, not even a ‘here’s a lamp’ or ‘lookit this pan’, you had to pay sharp attention and remember what table the stuff you wanted was as it was shuffled around to the front. Below are some examples of items lumped together in sale:




I didn’t realize ‘Suzy Homemaker’ was a toy; I thought it was a descriptive phrase my mom used to describe a person like Martha Stewart. Go figure.

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I took a brief road trip to Iowa a few weeks back- brief in that we crammed it into one long 16-hour drive so we’d only have to rent the car for one day(economizing!). I took the night shift, since flooring it on mostly empty highways makes me feel more badass than shuffling past RVs and minivans in the daytime.

For those who are addicted to hoity-toity coffee, road journeys have been made slightly more bearable thanks to McCafe. Ordering anything, particularly espresso drinks, from McDonald’s feels weird but the beverages taste EXACTLY the same as Starbucks. Now, I despise Starbucks beverages and more than once have had to request more espresso be added to the glass of coffee-flavored milk they handed me. but on the road Starbucks-esque McCafe drinks homogenized at nearly every rest area are levels up from the take-your-chances coffee at gas stations.

If you’re thinking of scooting across the country in one go, I recommend a solid night’s sleep ahead of time and adding a day to decompress after, since you will feel like you’re coming off a weekend bender waking up from a brief nap after that much driving. We lucked out; rushing to return the car on time, a two hour bonus appeared in the form of a time-zone change and having to return the car at 11 instead of 10. So, when the World’s Largest Truck Stop loomed on the horizon, we had to stop in.

Clearly we were sleep-deprived; we thought this picture the height of comedy.

Of course, we just added the pennies. ‘Cuddles’ was already sitting there with a bunch of other discount crap on a folding table in the middle of a giant truck stop. Creepier with or without the coinage? You be the judge.

It wouldn’t be a proper truck stop without stuff to trick your truck out with (try saying that one fast), and this place delivered in a ridiculous way:


You could even climb into one of two sample trucks, chromed out to the max and larger on the inside than some apartments I’ve had.

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We drove out to a restaurant near the Amana Colonies, a small religious commune founded in the mid-1800s and continuing today in the form of craft stores and historic shops appealing to tourists.



This ‘Lodge’ was across the restaurant; in the true econo-spirit they took down the full chain name and left the rest.


This nest of baby birds sat in one of the empty light sockets.


A homemade Amana stop sign.

Unless you are particularly jazzed about fibers or purchasing clothing with ‘Amana’ somewhere on it, I could see how the Amana wool mill would be dull. Unfortunately for everyone else with me I heart fibers, so I gleefully ran in and spent an hour watching the fiber-to-blanket videos and oggling the equipment. The blanket-making machinery was set up but not running, as it was the end of the day. Mill ends were available on cones, and I got three sea-blue cotton ones for $9. $9!



Later we took a trip to Wal-Mart. The Wal-Marts of the Midwest are larger than their coastal counterparts, including sections like ‘produce’ and ‘hunting equipment’ along with standards like ‘Gardening’ and ‘Crafts’.



Really?


This is an atrocity. Neither Transformer nor Mr. PotatoHead, it is such a blatant marketing shill it is sick to look at. Also, what child can look upon this and comprehend?

And that’s about it, really. Iowa is vast and lovely to look at. This is a pretty good example of what the commute looks like:

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Ah, the 4th of July. Showing how much you care about your country by blowing shit up. Next to gun shows and hot-dog eating contests, nothing inspires patriotic fervor more. Unfortunately we did not have fireworks, we had sparklers and snakes. Sparklers, while pretty, lack the ‘wow’ factor larger explosives carry, and snakes….snakes manage to be wussier than sparklers. Even taking 5 packs of them, stacking them in a neat little pyramid and lighting them all at once isn’t wildly exciting, though I’m pretty sure it gave off enough toxic fumes to assure cancer down the road.




Admittedly it did get sort of cool towards the end, when it looked like a hellspider was trying to crawl up from the driveway, but still, you’re essentially watching something expand. Ooh. Neighbors threw a small party, which was very pleasant.




Since there were a few hours until dusk, I took a walk:


I was informed people purchase these things to stick into trees, like a larger-scale Mr. PotatoHead. Why? Whywhywhy would you undermine the inherent dignity of a large tree by sticking goofy stuff into it? This tree looks like the recipient of terrible plastic surgery.





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