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A recent venture into the city netted a surprising amount of snack-related encounters. En route to the subway, I came across these at my local grocery store:

Genuine Klass
Spicy Peanuts…genuine klass.

Apparently Doritos now come in ‘limited edition’ flavors, putting the snack treat in the same realm as action figures (not a bad marketing move, considering the Doritos demographic). However, Doritos are not a cheeseburger. Doritos should not be cheeseburger flavored. Just put Doritos on top of your cheeseburger if you want to combine the two so badly. Also on the short list of things Doritos aren’t: a nightclub. Unless ‘late night: all nighter’ implies when and how long you’ll be consuming them.

Doritos are Not a Nightclub.

Ah, on to the subway to see the Natural History Museum. Education and knowlege, ahoy!
tee hee hee.
…or not.

I’m constantly amazed by the vastness of the museum; this time around I found a section on People of the East I’d never even seen before, full histories on the culture and religion of the Asiatic lands. The wheel below translates a large mural with images illustrating the cycles of rebirth and levels of existence.
Wheel of Transmigratory Existence
In case it’s too tiny to read:

ARROW THROUGH MAN’S EYE (sensation)

DRINKER SERVED BY WOMAN (covetousness)

MAN PLUCKING FRUIT (clinging to worldly things)

PREGNANT WOMAN (new becoming with new karma)

WOMAN GIVING BIRTH (birth)

CORPSE BEING CARRIED (death)

BLIND WOMAN (ignorance)

POTTER AT WORK (forming emotions)

MONKEYS PICKING FRUIT (consciousness)

TWO MEN IN BOAT (mind and body)

EMPTY HOUSES WITH WINDOWS (six senses)

LOVERS (contact with sensory objects)

Without the wheel some of the images’ symbolism might not be so readily apparent, but the tortured souls and hells definitely read loud and clear. Nearby was the Hall of Asian Mammals. Oh, look at the adorable wee taxidermied deer!

they've got fangs, you know.

they've got fangs, you know.

AAAH! NOOO! VAMPIRE DEER! RUNNN! Seriously, not one but TWO species of fanged deer? The latter looks like he’ll eat your soul.

Speaking of fangs, the Museum of Natural History really, really wants you to get bitten by snakes. They even provide detailed dioramas with helpful hints:

The AMNH wants you to get bitten by snakes.

The AMNH wants you to get bitten by snakes.

The AMNH wants you to get bitten by snakes.

Bringing it back to snack treats, they also showcased all the delicious nibbles snakes and other amphibious creatures can be made into. Canned turtle soup, tinned snakes, pickled snakes, and a Japanese liquor called Old Mam I’ve not been able to find further information on. It says live poisonous snakes (mamushis specifically, hence the name) were tossed into the mixture and became part of the fermenting brew. Why I have no idea, but considering how many absinthe tipplers love the implied history and danger, perhaps it’s time for an Old Mam resurgence.

AMNH snake snacks.

After the museum I stopped by Little Korea. Little Korea’s very little- about a block large right near Penn Station, it’s mostly noticeable for the one street full of BBQ and karaoke restaurants. There’s also a late night grocery store, and after the museum I felt like eating something scaly.

Kasugi Peanuts And You. Also a cute Squid.

This sounds like an educational video: ‘Kasuga Peanut And You’. Also a cute squid. Kawaii! (yes I know that’s Japanese but I don’t know Korean slang for cute).

Not for shorties.
Oh my. No thank you.

They promised...
Perfecto! A delicious red bean ice cream treat. They promise a lot on the package…

...and they delivered.
…but they totally delivered! Unlike every other character pop I’ve gotten with wonky eyes.

This fish was delish.
Though it mostly tasted like flaky waffle cone and frozen cream, with just a hint of red bean, this fish was delish!

Homer graffitti
Mmm, fish-shaped ice cream treat. It’s hilarious this ‘tag wall’ mural is attached to the newest, most spacious (in NYC flaunting vast swaths of space is how the rich say ‘fuck you’), ridiculously architectured hotel, right below St. Mark’s Place.

If all those snacks inspired you, there are many classes around the city teaching all the basics you’ll need to know.
heh heh heh.

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Researching reform schools, I came across this page from the College of Criminology and Criminal Justice. The school is located in Florida, a state chock full of boot camps, reform schools, ‘tough love’ clinics, juvenile lockdowns and other centers for maladjusted youth. Having access to the very subjects they’re studying make the CCCJ an invaluable wealth of information on troubled teens, as seen in their revealing ‘Kids These Days’ subheader:

kidsthesedays

….Where to begin? That Adbusters is somehow being lumped not into delusional hippie/Burning Man/protester territory but into the average teen mentality? Planned Parenthood and Condomania links sitting side by side? The errant mix of sites teens might visit (Last Rites Tattoo) and sites only concerned parents would ever, ever check out (Juvenile Slang)? THAT TEENS TODAY COULD BE PRO OR ANTI DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS?!?

Alas, many of the links no longer work, probably a conspiracy on the part of JVs (that’s juvenile delinquents to you non-inductees), but if you’re curious for the D&D stuff the search terms used were “anti d d dungeons dragons satan worship rpgs role playing” and “pro d d dungeons dragons satan worship rpgs role playing”. No bias there!

For those of you desperately wanting to check out ‘Hyperreal: Raves!!’, it jumped ship here. There’s something infinitely sad about linking to pages and forums not updated for years. If you really want to dig a splinter under your nail, I dare you to read the FAQ question ‘what is techno music’? If you’ve ever wanted to know the difference between Trance, Ambient and Deep House (the proper answer is ‘no, never’, by the way), now you can!

So go forth, learn something about Kids These Days, and next time you see a teen-aged youth on the street wearing their floppy jeans and Hip Hop singer shirt, give them the secret handshake and a wink of understanding.

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