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Bienvenue, fellow crafters! As snow becomes the dominant conversation topic up and down the East Coast, it seems only appropriate to acknowledge our neighbors to the north, Colder USA, aka Canada. It’s a land I imagine in perpetual winter, in no small part due to the national fixation on ice-related sports.

Canadian favorite hockey, with its brutal fisticuffs and rapid-fire action, translates very well to American audiences. Second-beloved curling, on the other hand, gets at best mocking derision and far more commonly a confused ‘Curling? What’s that?’ Oh, you know, the sport where somebody hurls a rock and a bunch of people scrub little brooms in front of it, usually followed by a puzzled and/or angry look, and a rapid move to somewhere else in the vicinity.

Even I assumed curling was invented in the early 80s some dark evening after one too many beers, possibly some bong hits. Certainly the inspiration must have sprung from the depths of cabin fever. I mean, look at it:

But no! Curling has a long and storied history that begins, of all places, in Scotland. The very name of this week’s pattern, Bonspiel, means ‘curling tournament’ in old Scottish, and the earliest references to the game are from the 15th century.

(still looks pretty silly.)

History’s all well and good, but why watch curling? I’ll be lazy and let some curlers tell you:

Wow! Informative! However, the descriptions of the sport culled from Wikipedia’s page on curling also serve as a bullet point list of why the sport will never really catch on in America:

“More so than in many team sports, good sportsmanship is an integral part of curling. Even at the highest levels of play, players are expected to “call their own fouls”, so to speak, such as alerting the opposing skip if they “burned” a stone. It is also traditional for the winning team to buy the losing team a drink after the game. This is often referred to as the Spirit of Curling.”

“It is not uncommon at any level for a losing team to terminate the match before all ends are completed if it believes it no longer has a realistic chance of winning…When a team feels it is impossible or near impossible to win a game, they will usually shake hands with the opposing team to concede defeat.”

“Curling is a game of strategy, tactics and skill.”

It’s not just America though; curling doesn’t seem to have caught on much of anywhere:

“The 2002 Canadian film Men With Brooms…centres on the sport of curling, telling the story of a curling team from a small Canadian town…The film grossed over $4.2 million, all of it in Canada, making it the top-grossing Canadian English film subsidized by Telefilm Canada between 1997 and 2002.”

Those ain’t exactly numbers to brag about.

Still, curling seems a fun way to enjoy the brisk winter weather, so here’s a cozy cardigan to keep you warm while playing. Interestingly enough, white = official curling cardigan, any other color = regular boring cardigan with no real curling value.

Get your stone in the house!

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For a man to get ahead, especially in these trouble times, he needs to stand out from the crowd, rise above, shine like a diamond full of potential! A diamond willing to be ground down and polished by longer hours, benefit cuts, and a no-frills work environment where he does the job of 3 if he’s lucky.

These darling moccasins say ‘I’m not afraid to step outside the box’ (hah!) while also subtly hinting at ‘ethnicity’, an advantage in a work world concerned with ‘P.C.’! If screaming yellow’s not your color, you can also try fire-engine red, cyan, or chromakey green.

Go get ‘em, Tiger!

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Aw, nuts. I was going to do a salute to the Men of Knitting, but didn’t have time to dig through my archives. Instead, I briefly proffer this snappy cardigan (the fellow on the left) for those who like their retro a tad more on the camp side. It’s less ‘sitting by the fire smoking a pipe’ and more ‘preparing to look cool in my glass boomerang-shaped house on the moon’.

Beehive Handknits for Men 01

True, it’s a little late to start knitting it up for this Sunday, but you can always surprise Dad in time Christmas!

Pipe Guy
‘Gee, that sounds swell!’

On a completely random note, here’s a group of people who dressed up like Ned Flanders, certainly a man who knows how to sport some knitwear:

We assumed the future would have more jet packs.

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