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After the weekend’s tropical storm debacle, I thought of the perfect movie for this week’s Movie Club – Peter Weir’s unsettling mystery ‘The Last Wave’. Eerie ambiance, indirect answers, a shallow but fascinating glimpse into Aboriginal life in modern times, plus Fortean weather!

Not available on instant view. Well, that’s ok, I have an ace up my sleeve for perfect Labor Day viewing – a classic comedy about the great suburban nightmare, starring America’s Most Likable Guy Tom Hanks! ‘The ‘Burbs!’

Not available on instant view. FINE. Well how about the live-action Fleisher Bros. cartoon ‘The Forbidden Zone?’

NO?! WELL THAT’S IT, I GUESS THIS WEEK’S MOVIE WILL HAVE TO BE ‘DEF BY TEMPTATION’ THEN, WON’T IT? WE’LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR DWAYNE-WAYNE IN A MOVIE DESCRIBED AS ‘An evil succubus is preying on libidinous black men in New York’, THEN, HUH?

FIIIIIIIIIINE. Unless, of course, anyone else has a suggestion.

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Um….what? Seriously, was this made on a dare? Val Kilmer and Nicholas Cage running around New Orleans, the latter having public sex with underaged hookers and doing piles and piles of drugs (mostly snorted)…exchanges like ‘get those fucking iguanas OFF my table!” “Ain’t no iguanas.”…from the director of “Grizzly Man” and “Stroszek”…did I mention it stars Nicholas Cage?

Some more random thoughts:
-Is anyone in this movie attempting a southern accent of any kind? I ask because I genuinely can’t tell from the trailer. It sounded maybeeee like Kilmer and Cage were…but not really.

-”Shoot him again. His soul is still dancing.” Breakdancing!

-the visual effects for the titles look cheesy, cheap, even. Is this because it’s a promo trailer or did they just not have a budget?

-I still haven’t seen the original ‘Bad Lieutenant’, so it’s not like there’s anything beloved in my memory to be tarnished. That aside, this almost seems like an R-rated episode of any given cop show on TV now.

I’m hoping this is a film of extremes- either it will be so bad it’s amazing (a la “Showgirls” or Nic Cage’s last howler, “Crazy She-Bitches of Honeybee Island” aka “The Wicker Man” remake), or perhaps good in some way I’m not seeing from the trailer. More likely it will be terribly terribly terrible.

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If there is one thing the internet is awesome at, it’s sharing media, mostly ill-gotten. Also viewing hilarious and adorable kitten pictures, but that’s another post. Several things have been of cheer this week, and goodness me, they are all available on the internet!

First up is ‘You’ve Got To Do It’, by Mister Rogers, off of the delightful Mister Rogers Music Mix from Way Out Junk, a very comprehensive collection of early and later Rogers songs. It’s not saccharine or condescending, just a simple song telling you if you want to get something done you must get out there and do it! Simple, and yet so very effective, particularly if you’re anything like me and it’s coming from a man whose soothing voice was a permanent fixture of your childhood. A sampling of the lyrics:

If you want to ride a bicycle and ride it straight and tall, it’s you who have to try it…it’s you who has to fall….sometimes….
If you want to ride a bicycle and ride it straight and tall…you have to do it! Every little bit! you have to to do it, do it, do it, then when you’re through, you’ll know who did it, because you did it, you did it, you did it.

It’s more low-key than Andrew W.K. but no less positive. Also included in the Mix are songs demonstrating Mister Rogers’ uncanny ability to read his audience’s fears, including one about how your limbs won’t fall off like your doll’s can, and another called ‘Everybody’s Fancy’ that reassures your body is fancy inside and out, and if you’re born a girl/boy, you stay a girl/boy and won’t suddenly switch.

Next we have Mystery Science Theater 3000, gotten on the cheap volume by volume from my local library (yes, that’s a plug. Your local library is chock full of resources, including free movies and bizarre collections donated by eccentric benefactors!) I just finished enjoying “The Atomic Brain”, with such gem lines as “Knit one, purl DIE!!!” before a knitting needle stabbing, and featuring the worst English accent ever, INCLUDING both Keeanu Reeves AND Wynona Rider in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula”. Full episodes are totally all over YouTube: I highly recommend “Progress Island” (last I checked it was still called Puerto Rico), and the full movies “Hobgoblins”(“It’s the ’80′s! Do a lot of coke and vote for Ronald Regan!”), “Puma Man” (“PUMAS CAN’T FLY!”) and “Space Mutiny” (“RAILING KILL!”). Below is one of my favorites, though that’s partially due to repeated high school viewings. Some friends of mine liked it so much they actually had a band called ‘Rowsdower’:

The Final Sacrifice

This one you can actually watch in its entirety. Hooray!

The Home Economics Story

The Internet Archive has recently added a bunch of intriguingly-named movies to its Sci-Fi/Horror Archive- with just an internet connection you too can watch “Werewolf Woman”, “Carnival of Souls”(if you’re too cheap to spring for the Criterion version), “The Vampire’s Night Orgy”, “Breakout From Oppression” (sounds like a Lifetime movie), and “Cathy’s Curse” (yes, the curse involves blood; no, it’s not an educational film).

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This Sunday Anthology Film Archives is showing a series of classic experimental shorts from the 1920′s, including ‘Ballet Mecanique’ and Marcel Duchamp’s ‘Entre’Acte’. The idea of ‘classic’ experimental shorts seems sort of paradoxical; then again anything once considered edgy becomes absorbed by mainstream culture in time. It is much like a shard stuck in the body; harmful effects are quickly neutralized by the larger organism’s quick response of cushioning and coating, and in many cases absorbing. For the squeamish I can assure you no pus is involved in these films. If anyone cares to join the screening’s at 5:30pm.

Also at Anthology, on Wed. June 13 is a screening of the Mick Travis trilogy. The most well-known of the three films is ‘…If’, starring a young Malcom McDowell in the role that landed him that of Alex in ‘A Clockwork Orange’. Plotwise, there’s not too much going on. A number of boys attend a boarding school where older students lord over the younger, archaic rituals are performed with little meaning, and those supposedly in charge are completely distanced from their actual situation. Basically, a regular school, with all the dullness and weirdness entailing. McDowell’s character Mick wants to break free of this, and it’s arguable whether he actually manges to do so by the film’s controversial end.

Finally, for all those who missed seeing The Valerie Project at Anthology, shame on you! It was a heady and lovely journey through a girl’s imagination as she comes of age. Fortunately you’ll have a chance to redeem yourselves come June 16th, when the project returns home to Philadelphia at The International House. Should you miss it again they’ve a MOMA show in the works, but by then all the arty-arts will have scooped the tickets and will yammer about various bits of symbolism throughout until you jam their blackberry (still on, of course) down their throats. So do yourselves a favor and scoot down to Philly for some cheesesteaks, water ice, and outstanding live musical performance and screening.

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Having about 2 hours to kill and still not enjoying the fake dogwood arrangement before me, I have some questions I felt were missing from that poorly written internet movie quiz thing.

A) Favorite cameo by Satan in a movie/TV show?

B) What is the most stereotypically French film you’ve watched?

C) Best use of metal music in a film/tv show not ostensibly about metal?

D) What’s your favorite unexpected explosion in cinema?

E) Fish or Cut Bait?

F) Who are your favorite twins in movies/TV?

G) Worst use of death in a children’s movie?

My answers to the above are
a) Terrence Stamp in ‘In the Company of Wolves’

b) Le Samourai

c) The scene in ‘Wild At Heart’ where Sailor and Lula get out of their car and spazz-dance,

d) a toss-up between the sheep explosion in ‘Bad Taste’ and the head explosion at the end of Judas Priest’s video for ‘You Got Another Thing Coming’(his pants fall off as well),

e) cut bait,

f) Beverly and Eliot Mantle in ‘Dead Ringers’, and

g) Jack Frost, wherein Michael Keaton’s character dies in a car accident, only to come back as a snowman.

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