names

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Inspired by this amazing compilation of least-popular baby names, I dug out previously beloved themed name lists found in the earlier days of internet searching. Lucky us, they’re still up.

child names

 

gothiest names
From the full-service ‘Name That Goth!’ page, circa 1996

 

 

hippie baby names

hippy baby names
From ‘HippyLand’, the site that still hasn’t settled on a definitive spelling of ‘hippie’.

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Thunderclap

Furaikigunhissy white cat

Rhonda

dub_droid-rhonda1bowie cat

Jellax

Jellaxfrom http://fluffyghost.com/
Avocado

Avogadora_in_her_human_formblue kitty

Prince Demand (yes, it’s actually Prince Diamond, but I’m going with the videogame variant, which is a badly dubbed French version of a Japanese-only release translated by fans into English for play on SNES emulators. There’s a lot of weirdness with language here. Rhonda’s actual name is Dumble, and while I can’t even think of how they got there, it doesn’t matter because Dumble is ALSO a great name for a cat.)

Prince Diamondkitty bling

Planet Nemesis (ok, that’s actually a level, not a villain, but it IS an excellent cat name. You could call him Nemmy for short!)

planet nemesisthey stalk by night

Crystal Tokyo (also a level name, and nearly a David Bowie instrumental song name.)

bowiecat

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Reading deeper into Mixtec codices, I have come to the conclusion telenovas are the modern permutation of a remembered history. Far from an excuse for spandex-clad catfights, these over-the-top miniseries are the very lifeblood of the peoples’ past come to dramatic life!

Much as the rich and spoiled Thalia is overtaken by power-hungry scrapper Rosalinda, so do the Mixtec codices show the swift and violent rise to rule of Lord Eight Deer Jaguar Claw against the powerful Lady Six Monkey, ruler of Tilantongo and the lands north of Jaltepec. But I’ve gotten far ahead of myself.

Pohl, John M.D. (2002). The Legend of Lord Eight Deer: An Epic of Ancient Mexico. Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press. ISBN 0-195-14019-2. OCLC 47054677 Pohl, John M.D. (2002). The Legend of Lord Eight Deer: An Epic of Ancient Mexico. Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press. ISBN 0-195-14019-2. OCLC 47054677

Known amongst themselves as Ne’ivi Davi (which despite sounding like a certain tribe from ‘Avatar’ means “People of the Rain”), they were called Mixtec (itself a Nahuatl word meaning “cloud people”) by the Aztecs and other Mesoamerican neighbors. The name reflects their original settlements in the hilltops of Oaxaca, and while the Mixtecs spread to surrounding lands and grew in influence, they never united as one power, instead having several major cities controlled by dynastic families.

Here’s where the telenovas come in – to keep power balanced, the ruling families constantly intermarried to ensure their bloodlines remained in power without resorting to bloody slaughter. Unfortunately, this did not prevent bloody slaughter so much as heighten its gothic brutality, as nearly all rises to power now involved murdering immediate family members in bizarre, ritually acceptable ways. Here’s a brief summation of Lord Eight Deer’s conquering of major city Xipe’s Bundle:

In 1101 8 Deer finally conquered Xipe’s Bundle, killed his wife’s father and his stepsister’s husband 11 Wind and tortured and killed his brothers-in-law, except the youngest one by the name of 4 Wind. In 1115 4 Wind lead an alliance between different Mixtec kingdoms against 8 Deer who was taken prisoner and sacrificed by 4 Wind, his own nephew and brother-in-law.

That’s not even taking into account the ways he killed any of them, which included ‘gladiatorial sacrifice’ and ‘arrow sacrifice’. Oh look, there’s pictures!

From: Stories in red and black: pictorial histories of the Aztecs and Mixtecs  By Elizabeth Hill Boone
(click for a larger image.)

Mixtec codices differ from others in the more straightforward pictoral depiction of events (as opposed to relying on symbols or phonetic images), and their comic-book like division into panels (those vertical lines separating the scenes). Here’s a slightly more Frazetta-ed interpretation of things:
from http://www.crystalinks.com/mixtec.html
(While not explicitly Eight Deer, the fellow on the right sports his iconic jaguar headdress.)

The initial reason I even stumbled across the Mixtec people was due to their colorful naming – most royals were named after their day of birth, along with an attributive secondary name. Unlike their Aztec neighbors, with whom they shared an interlinked 360-day solar/260-day sacred calendar, the Mixtecs did not consider certain days inauspicious, and therefore unsuitable for naming. They also, unlike the Aztecs and us, moved the coefficient and day sign in parallel, resulting in a repeating series of coefficient/day names instead of our and the Aztecs month(coefficient)/day….different month/day loop. You can read all about it here, which I assure you is not as boring as my half-assed explanation makes it seem. This excerpt from Eight Deer’s life features (aside from royal incest and the aforementioned over-the-top drama) a wide assortment of Mixtec birthdate names:

Born on the Mixtec Calendar date from which he got his name, 8 Deer was the son of the high priest of Tilantongo 5 Crocodile “Sun of Rain”. His mother was Lady 9 Eagle “Cocoa-Flower”, queen of Tecamachalco. He also had a brother 12 Earthquake “Bloody Jaguar” and 9 Flower “Copalball with Arrow” who were both faithful war companions of 8 Deer.

He also had a half-sister 6 Lizard “Jade-Fan”. First the fiancee and lover of 8 Deer himself, she was finally married to 8 Deer’s archenemy 11 Wind “Bloody Jaguar”, the king of the city “Xipe’s Bundle”.

The FAMSI website has a fun* feature where you can figure out your own royal Mixtec name. Just go here, plug in your birthdate on the right, and the last sign listed in the Long Count is your name!

*’fun’ is here qualified as something someone who voluntarily trawled through multiple FAMSI pages would find enjoyable.

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The crafting season is upon us, and with it come the myriad craft fairs at which to sell one’s wares. I’ve got the goods but unfortunately, no banner to fly them under. Previous packaging was labelled ‘BUY MY STUFF!’; I figured I’d get straight the point.

This is mostly for Nick and Matt, but I’m trying to think up names for my crafty endeavours. Names, whether we like it or not, are important. There’s a reason you don’t know many CEO’s named Tammy or wrestlers named Eustace. In ancient times people hid their true names for merely to speak them aloud was to hold power over what you’d named, even nature and the Gods themselves. There are a lot of Nordic wizard legends about them singing things into existence and calling up ancient evils to do their cooking and such. I’m not that serious about it, but that sort of thing would make for a really good album cover.

Below’s a list of half-hearted attempts, to varying degrees of seriousness:

Where Eagles Dare
Friends of Science
Ars Moriendi
Black Sunday
Retrospecticus
Laughing Academy
Blank Stare
Wyckyd Sceptyr
Stuff!
Fairies n’Shit
Gates of Steel
Ad Absurdum
Pinkie Swear
The Doomsday Project
Cobra Verde
Upper Class Bling
Palilalia
Killer Riffs Academy
8th Day
A Week of Awesome
Daaaaamn, Gina!
Zebulon’s Grille and Taquileria (this is a real restaurant)
Disease Vectors
Divine Lorraine (weird building in Philly with a giant neon sign named after the owner’s mistress)
Stabbyville
Skull & Bones
Bone Thugs and Craftery
Bloodbath and Beyond
I am curious: crafty
Viking Funerals for Hamsters
With Each Item You Buy a Chunk of My Life
Not Going To Bed
Sparkle Ponies
Entropy
At The Mountains of Craftness
Unreliable Gods
Bleed In A Sour Log
Grande Belle’s IOU
All Is Burned Ego
Mystery Spot
Poor Edward
Colonel Kwik-E-Mart’s Kentucky Krafts
Zazz

In all seriousness, I am trying to find a title that reflects the stuff I make, some knitting, jewelry and clothing, most of it ranging between goofy and morbid. Well, I don’t think things like the jawbone necklaces are morbid but I’ve been told it’s creepy to make something out of a cast of my mom’s teeth. She’s still alive; I don’t see the problem. Anyway. Feel free to come up with whatever you want; I’m not going to get all butt-hurt, try to insult you and reedit the entry.

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I realize it’s a serious moment for the New York Democratic party, but I can’t take a thing on the news seriously when they keep saying ‘Mayoral hopeful Weiner stepped down from the race….’ ‘Weiner announced today he would drop out of the running’ ‘Mr. Weiner has been described as a family man…’ Did he ever think he’d really have a chance at mayor? Seriously? Sure, he’d get plenty of backing just for the hope of hearing ‘Please welcome Mayor Weiner!’ but how could anyone keep a straight face around him?

The question occurs to me, as it does when I come across the Anthony Nadds and Dorcas Butts of the world, why didn’t he change his name? Surely the fires of middle school must have alerted him this moniker was not worth the weight of bearing it. Is it some duty felt towards his family? I refuse to believe he doesn’t realize you cannot take a man named ‘Weiner’ seriously.

Conversely, I’ve run across a number of name so awesome I can hardly accept real people are attatched to them. With razor-sharp tags like Max Steele or Pierce Stone you expect cleft-chinned, shirt-splitting action heroes, not math educators. Similarly employed are Roxy Lockheart, Crystal Favours and Marissa Dellabella, as opposed to the painted ladies their names conjure.

Sure, a rose by any other name smells as sweet, but who’s going to lean over and sniff when you call it ‘stinkflower’? If you bestow a ridiculous name on your progeny, like poor Ms. Leer, named Krystal Shanda(seriously), you are shaping their future with an invisible, far reaching hand. I submit, for example, the Spawn of NetGoth: Gothic Baby Names!’ webpage. These are actual names given to human babies. Ponder for a moment their formative years, school interactions, and social deformity under the weight of being identified as Talon Malachi Trueblood. Yes. We are witnessing the spawning of a very angry wave of lawyers and daytraders.

Vote Weiner Jr. in 2026!

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