ridiculousness

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As mentioned previously, due to thievery I’m no longer sharing patterns from my personal stash. Fortunately for all of us, we live in a magical world of instant availability, where entire archives mouldering in damp basements dying unmourned deaths now get to see the light of day! I can just picture these anthropomorphized little booklets, rubbing their wee squinted eyes at the blinding sunlight shining down upon them, a joyous smile breaking across their faces as a new day dawns and they can finally reveal their particular brand of weird to the world.

The designs and cuts below come from that awkward period in the late teens – not yet a flapper, but no longer wasp-waisted. The overall shape has moved away from the Gibson Girl’s poofiness and fluff towards the tubular androgyny soon to be everywhere, yet retains the length and excessive decor of the previous years. These patterns could work well in a modern wardrobe if done in the spirit of androgyny coming from a number of Japanese designers (like Arts and Science) or by going extra-bright and bold with color for a Finnish style (a la Marimekko).

NEEDS MORE BUTTONS

dangly sides

dotty

These three patterns, along with many others, can be found in the Utopia Yarn Book, available free online.

…and then there’s this hat. The kid’s expression speaks for itself, but should you find your wardrobe missing some crocheted Dutch elf bonnet flair, you can always turn to the Columbia Book of Yarns.
that hat

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Apologies for the lack of posting, but I’m getting my new website all zazzed up and ready for visitors. I must take a break from this though to share  an upcoming rally from Westboro Baptist Church, aka the ultrahypocrites behind ‘God Hates Fags’. Remember them? Yeaaaah, they’ve widened their agenda to so much more than mindlessly hating people because some random passages in a book hobbled together and edited by numerous human sources over the years ‘told’ them to via their narrow interpretation of 5 generations of translation. They’ve expanded to picketing various high schools for teaching Abortion is Cool and How To Be Gay 101-I’m guessing this from the run-on rambles accompanying each date and time, including such gems as “Serve Obama -in his army full of fags Try to make a living – you’ll end up in rags Rebel child, God hates you…” and “John Marshall High School – Teaching Kids to be fags!”

Normally I would ignore such ridiculousness, as one ignores someone saying ‘Dinosaurs didn’t exist’- to engage them in conversation is not only futile, but gives their point of view a measure of validity by your attempting to argue it. Just like creationists trying to ‘engage’ scientists in a ‘dialogue’ about their ‘theory’ through haranguing debate and gaining ‘credibility’ because some poor fellows attempted to take them on. But this time…this time it’s personal (formatting by me because I know the internet better than the haterz):

0/28/2009    07:30 AM – 08:00 AM
New Brunswick High School
God Hates New Joisee, U Heard?
1125 Livingston Avef

Here is the goofy stuff that New Jersey stands for, and you stupid, simpletons are proud of it. I got this straight out of urbandictionary.com: “I am from NJ. I curse… a lot. I say “yo”, and I say it often. I never had school on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. I sure as hell don’t pump my own gas. I know what real pizza tastes like, and I know that a bagel is much more than a fuckin’ roll with a hole in the middle. I judge people by what exit they get off the parkway. I can navigate a circle–with attitude. All good nights must end at a diner–preferably with cheese fries. It’s a sub, not a hoagie or, worse yet, a hero, and I wash it down with soda, not pop. Two words… “mother fucker.” I don’t go to the beach, I go down the shore. And boardwalk brawls are just a part of the atmosphere. Yes, I drink cawfee. I know that 65mph really means 80. I’ve always lived within 10 minutes of a mall. When someone cuts me off, they get the horn AND the finger. And they expect it. I am from New Jersey, and damn proud of it.” Yes, and that fitly describes God’s curse upon you all. Deuteronomy 11:26 Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse; 27 A blessing, if ye obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you this day: 28 And a curse, if ye will not obey the commandments of the LORD your God, but turn aside out of the way which I command you this day, to go after other gods, which ye have not known. 29 And it shall come to pass, when the LORD thy God hath brought thee in unto the land whither thou goest to possess it, that thou shalt put the blessing upon mount Gerizim, and the curse upon mount Ebal. 30 Are they not on the other side Jordan, by the way where the sun goeth down, in the land of the Canaanites, which dwell in the champaign over against Gilgal, beside the plains of Moreh? 31 For ye shall pass over Jordan to go in to possess the land which the LORD your God giveth you, and ye shall possess it, and dwell therein. 32 And ye shall observe to do all the statutes and judgments which I set before you this day. Praise God for bringing this little church along so we can shine a bright spotlight on the filth that IS New Jersey! AMEN!

WHAT THE HELL?! Everyone ELSE gets a rally because they’re gay or have a gay agenda or are aborting babies or are Jewish….WE get a rally in New Jersey BECAUSE WE’RE IN NEW JERSEY?! Seriously?!? That’s it? Your entire beef with the Garden State is its continued existence and the stereotypes therein? I will grant there are plenty of begelled folk in tank tops and cars with spoilers on them who are way too proud of their orange skin, but that is NOT just our slice of the East Coast! Also, can someone more scholarly in Bible stuff translate what the hell ancient turf wars have to do with New Jersey circa 2009? If’n I recall my Sunday schooling one was the mountain where half the Israelite tribe went to ‘pronounce blessings’ and the other half went to ‘pronounce curses’. Sooo….are we getting the curses? Is the ‘good’ mountain Connecticut? What?

In any event my sister suggested we and some of our pals go down and counter-protest. I was all for it, but how the hell do you counter protest something as dumb as this? Throw bagels at them? Perhaps I can follow the example of these fine gentlemen:

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God hates it when you laugh at His followers.

I’m hoping due to the early hour this will be a small event, but those canny asswipes at WBC had to choose the home of Rutgers for this bunk, guaranteeing a small army of angry, pajama-bottomed, bike-riding youths out for blood. I think WBC is severely underestimating how little there is to legitimately protest in New Brunswick and how big the hardcore scene is there. Most likely this will be me:

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Young Stash sent me this clip with the subheading ‘Excellent Fight Scene’, which doesn’t even begin to describe it. Someone on Youtube had tagged it ‘Best Fight Scene EVER!!!’, and if I hadn’t watched my video store’s entire collection of crappy action/horror movies, I’d be tempted to agree. ‘Kung-Fu From Beyond the Grave’ still tops anything I’ve seen, including ‘American Ninja 3′, ‘Ninja Death Squad’, and this bit from ‘Strike of the Panther’.

I can’t decide if my favorite part’s when Angus Young runs up and begs to be hit, or when the young lass being rescued (looking less like a prostitute and more like a middle-schooler circa 1989) surprises the man dressed as a chicken. Aussie accents don’t hurt much either.

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As I’ve the time and videotapes, I’ve been uploading a ridiculous amount of stuff onto YouTube. Mostly random clips from television, as I forgot to bring any tapes from highschool or college. Still though, where else can you find Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Faster Than The Speed of Night?’ According to her fanbase on YouTube, nowhere. Thanks, me, for making it available to the world.
I love YouTube. Soon nothing will be obscure. The only obstacle to seeing what you want when you want to will be your own forgetfulness.

The only possible downside may be that fond memory is sometimes better than actuality. Many have gone back to a childhood favorite only to discover that it’s awful(fortunately even as a child I realized Thundercats was terrible). This is the same downside as what might happen were a machine invented to record your dreams and you to consciously watch them; that and that the government would surely use such a device for mind control purposes. But I digress.

Can you dig it?!

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