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In an innocent search for a Sherlock Holmsian-sort of cape, I came across this occular offense:

What the bloody hell? How, WHY sexify one of the greatest fictional characters? What bizarre role playing could this be part of? You know what, I do not want to know. I don’t think this ‘costume’ would exist if it weren’t for girls having exhausted every other ‘sexy’ Halloween get-up they could think of. You want to dress up as one of the standard fetishes? Go ahead, be a schoolgirl, or Officer Naughty. But this…this has gone too far. It is time to take Halloween back from the prurient masses!

Halloween evolved from the pagan holiday Samhain, when the souls of the dead would wander the land and the living would attempt to appease or hide from them. It evolved over the years into a kiddie holiday with treats(appeasing) and costumes(hiding). Somehow we’ve let it devolve into a drunken toga party, replete with blatant sexual innuendo and irksome displays of flesh. There’s already a pagan holiday for thinly veiled sexual rituals! Easter!

Did you ever wonder as a kid, ‘what’s the eggs, bunnies, and dancing around maypoles got to do with Jesus?’ Pretty much nothing. That’s right, it’s one big fertility ritual. So take your sexy barista costume egg-hunting and leave Halloween alone.

I understand it’s a transformative holiday, where society gives you permission to become something completely other than you are. Lots of people use this as a way to channel their latent wants, or at least that’s my theory as to why so many jockish thugs dress up as gigantic-breasted women. Whether they want or want to be them is their druthers. But ladies, why emphasize society’s viewing of the female as sexual object to an outlandish degree? The worst example are couples who go as pimps and whores. Wow, real subtle with the gender roles there. I also get the sense that many of these people aren’t shy wallflowers using Halloween as an excuse to throw off societal constraints. It’s more like an army of ‘Sex & the City’ fans using Halloween as a megaphone for their libidos. Isn’t wearing a sparkly ‘Slut’ shirt grocery shopping enough?

The men are no better. It’s like the holiday gives them permission to become walking erections. In fact, that’s a pretty popular costume, along with ‘Free Mammogram Booth’, Female Body Inspector, and the addition of large plastic breasts and buttocks to any given costume.

It takes a stronger ego to duck this grossly exaggerated display and dress up as something ghoulish, disgusting, or just plain unattractive. It’s a slippery slope between telling a girl she should be something pretty, like a princess or fairy, to this bull:

That’s why this Halloween I’m going as something big and ugly, like the MetLife building or Captain Ahab.

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I’m not familiar enough with either the history of or nuances regarding Japanese culture to make any definitive comment on it, but they do seem to have a rather creepy attitude towards young ladies. For a small example, click here, but for the love of God not if you’re at work. It’s a tester on the showroom floor of a company that produces to-specification sex dolls. Creeeeepy.

I suppose it’s not so different from the skeevy shops dotted around Times Square, with their ‘live girls’ booths, at least in terms of objective. It’s just highly disturbing that men of any culture would want a female automaton instead of an actual woman. That could be the impetus for pages of diatribe, but I’ll move on to the good news- in response to some newly opened ‘maid cafes’, wherein male patrons can order tea from suggestively dressed waitresses resebling their favorite anime or manga characters, a new ‘boy butler’ cafe has opened up to rave responses. Ladies can sit down and have foppishly dressed lads in tailcoats serve them tea and cakes in an ornate room. The business caters to fans of ‘boy love’ comics, which are also sort of disturbing. See, this is the closest thing we can get to gender equality-equal exploitation of both sexes. When that sports chain ‘Dicks’ finally opened up, I was annoyed because I’d thought it was going to be a male version of ‘Hooters’. Not that I would attend either, but it’s just nice to have the option. Since at this point there’s no way to have people of either gender stop objectifying females, I’ll settle for the next best thing: objectification of males. Maybe having huge packages shoved in peoples’ faces will help them realise how crass all sexual advertising is. Or maybe it’ll backfire completely and become the next big trend in marketing; I don’t know. Either way it’ll be a nice change of pace.

Also, since tasers are so last month, a Japanese store is offering a paintball deterrent against attackers:

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(cross-posted to book_covers)

When you think of Playboy, the last thing you probably think of is ‘socio-environmental exploration of future human survival’. Well, that’s what they want you to think. Playboy’s got their post-apocalyptic plans mapped out and they don’t include anyone foolhardy enough to skip reading the articles in favor of looking at the naked ladies(i.e.-90% of their readership). Almost ingenious, in a way, to have the plans for salvation and future utopia lain out in front of people too distracted by all the flesh.

As you can see by this compilation of articles culled from the magazine, it’s not Johnny Militia who survives Skynet’s reign of terror, it’s the ‘bunnies’ carefully selected, using the magazine as a front, for Hefner’s ‘Eden 2′ project. With the less than 10% readership remaining, Hefner can start the world anew and create the swank, urbane future he’d been dreaming of since starting Playboy all those years ago.

The cover’s colors remind me of older ‘Tales From The Crypt’ comics; probably the garish coloring.

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