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Part of the annual Christmas haul in my family is a stocking full of wee edible goodies. Among this year’s treats was a bag of gummi bears (gummy bears? I’ve no idea). Two weeks later, after housing half the bag, I noticed they were comprised solely of the best colors (color and flavor being interchangeable here) – cherry and lime. Further inspection revealed these were no ordinary gummies, but Christmas Bears!
As I continued to stuff my face I noticed an additional detail- just as their illustrated counterparts were drawn, the gummies themselves had little Santa hats in red or green. Charming! And also delicious.
Man, I was going to write a delightful essay linking together these racist and silly cartoon ads of the past, but time is short and sleep so sweet. On with the political incorrectness!
Just because America broke off from people that loved sticking whole animals in aspic doesn’t make Jell-O the apex of culture. If I recall the Chinese used spoons with flat bottoms so stuff wouldn’t spill while Europeans were still dunking witches.
This is exactly like the imagined joy of owning an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle but REAL.
Tee hee hee hee.
Remember when America saw Mexicans as comical bumbling lazy thieves instead of a swarm of brown locusts stealing all our best jobs (and probably women too)? Ah, for the golden days of a gentler racism.
Funny enough, Frito switched to the Frito Bandito from a wholesome all-American scamp called ‘The Frito Kid’. You can learn all about him here, and here, or you can experience interacting with him firsthand over at Angry Jim’s site. The audio comes from an old Disney setup where you popped a coin in and animatronic Frito Kid would call down delicious, salty Fritos from a guy in a mountain mine. Snacktacular!