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A number of friends have been asking me about ‘The King In Yellow‘, a series of short stories by author and H.P. Lovecraft pal Robert Chambers. I wouldn’t shut up about it when I read it several years ago, to their mild annoyance, but now that HBO show ‘True Detective’ has made mention of a Yellow King, suddenly they’re all TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW.

As I haven’t seen one second of the HBO show, I doubt anything I share would be informative, and still recommend reading the book. Do you like Lovecraft, but could do with toning down the purple prose, upping the human psychological factor, moving the action to New York City and adding in a different forbidden tome of mystery you must never read or you’ll DIE?! Then you will love ‘The King In Yellow!’  I’m not claiming any sort of high ground having read it sooner; heck, I only came across the book because it was the name of the last Dead Milkmen album. It’s a really great high gothic read, and I wouldn’t have come across it but for a bit of digging.

In that same spirit, a quick search on Project Gutenberg revealed Robert Chambers was as prolific as his other fiction writing chums, with 43 of his books available free. There’s the one tie I can make – a TV show with a name like ‘True Detective’ seems to directly reference the creator’s love of pulp genre writing. The sheer list of his titles is a joy in itself:

The Gay Rebellion

The  Crimson Tide: A Novel

The Tracer of Lost Persons

Police!!!

My friend asked ‘does it REALLY have three exclamation points?’ when I typed it out for them.
POLICE!!!
Yes.

In Search of the Unknown

Cardigan

Who Goes There!

The Slayer of Souls

The Danger Mark

A Young Man In a Hurry (wonder what that’s about)

Blue-Bird Weather

Quick Action

and the extremely exciting-sounding Adventures of a Modest Man.

Best of all, some out-of-context images from the above!

explosion of mammoths dancing with rage The Gay Rebellion

 

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The crafting season is upon us, and with it come the myriad craft fairs at which to sell one’s wares. I’ve got the goods but unfortunately, no banner to fly them under. Previous packaging was labelled ‘BUY MY STUFF!’; I figured I’d get straight the point.

This is mostly for Nick and Matt, but I’m trying to think up names for my crafty endeavours. Names, whether we like it or not, are important. There’s a reason you don’t know many CEO’s named Tammy or wrestlers named Eustace. In ancient times people hid their true names for merely to speak them aloud was to hold power over what you’d named, even nature and the Gods themselves. There are a lot of Nordic wizard legends about them singing things into existence and calling up ancient evils to do their cooking and such. I’m not that serious about it, but that sort of thing would make for a really good album cover.

Below’s a list of half-hearted attempts, to varying degrees of seriousness:

Where Eagles Dare
Friends of Science
Ars Moriendi
Black Sunday
Retrospecticus
Laughing Academy
Blank Stare
Wyckyd Sceptyr
Stuff!
Fairies n’Shit
Gates of Steel
Ad Absurdum
Pinkie Swear
The Doomsday Project
Cobra Verde
Upper Class Bling
Palilalia
Killer Riffs Academy
8th Day
A Week of Awesome
Daaaaamn, Gina!
Zebulon’s Grille and Taquileria (this is a real restaurant)
Disease Vectors
Divine Lorraine (weird building in Philly with a giant neon sign named after the owner’s mistress)
Stabbyville
Skull & Bones
Bone Thugs and Craftery
Bloodbath and Beyond
I am curious: crafty
Viking Funerals for Hamsters
With Each Item You Buy a Chunk of My Life
Not Going To Bed
Sparkle Ponies
Entropy
At The Mountains of Craftness
Unreliable Gods
Bleed In A Sour Log
Grande Belle’s IOU
All Is Burned Ego
Mystery Spot
Poor Edward
Colonel Kwik-E-Mart’s Kentucky Krafts
Zazz

In all seriousness, I am trying to find a title that reflects the stuff I make, some knitting, jewelry and clothing, most of it ranging between goofy and morbid. Well, I don’t think things like the jawbone necklaces are morbid but I’ve been told it’s creepy to make something out of a cast of my mom’s teeth. She’s still alive; I don’t see the problem. Anyway. Feel free to come up with whatever you want; I’m not going to get all butt-hurt, try to insult you and reedit the entry.

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I labored for weeks on a script for a movie that eventually fell through due to location issues. There’s an abandoned mental institution about 5 minutes from where I live, and I was all set to shoot a spooky Halloween movie when the local constabulary decided to pull rank. Well, nuts to them; I ended up shooting a perfectly serviceable Michele Gondry ripoff. Anyway, Matt and I thought up a list of possible titles, all of which I hope to use on actual films someday:

-Nerdlinger’s Cat
-Sewage of the Organism
-Creeping Fate
-The House With The Squirrel It’s Walls
-Out of Time
-Irredemable Death (this would also be an exellent death metal song)
-Blacker Than The Raven Wings of Midnight
-Unutterable Fancies
-Inexpressable Madness
-Haunted House Party (I am definitely making this one. It writes itself!)

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Finally!

At last, becoming one of the gentry is firmly within my grasp! For a mere 14.50 pounds English (a 75% discount!!), you can purchase a Title Of Your Choosing from the Principality of Sealand.

Actually a WWII sea tower, Prince Roy of what would eventually become Sealand claimed it as a principality. The decision was upheld by British courts in 1968, a year after Sealand sucessfully held off the British Navy. Prince Roy defended Sealand by shooting at them personally, and the ships decided it wasn’t worth the bother to stop. E Mare Libertas!

Soon I shall be Baron VonCouch, Lord of Sealand! Sweeeeet.

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